Do You Need Encouragement?

I received a card from Miss Nina today and it made my whole day. It got me to thinking, perhaps I should resume my card ministry. I enjoyed sending cards out every month. Would you like a card to lift you up every once in awhile? If so, send me your address in a message or you can email it to me at f8ithgal@yahoo.com (do not leave your address as a comment) and I will add you to my card mailing list. This isn't spam mail, it is meant to uplift and encourage those I care about! I look forward to being a part of your encouraging team in 2014!

~ Chelle
12/28/13

Out of My Comfort Zone

Everyone has a comfort zone that they feel safe in.  I stayed in the same position for years because it was in my comfort zone.  My needs were being met but I wasn't really living, somewhere in life I had begun to just survive.  God began to stir my spirit and force me outside of that comfort zone.  I was thinking on this today as I followed up on cash calls.  I am not a salesman, customer service is my strength and one reason I am so good at what I do.  These calls are uncomfortable for me because they are an area of weakness.  Why would God lead me into a position of weakness?  To grow!  It was clear I wasn't going to grow on my own so He had to move me outside of where I was comfortable.  Looking back, my comfort zone had turned into more of a rut zone.  I was stuck and quickly growing more unsettled and discouraged within, yet refusing to move from what I knew into the unknown.   While what I knew may not be making me happy, it was safe.  I made the sale I was calling on and God began speaking to my heart.  Looking back on my life He has had to "force" me from my comfort zone several times.  It would appear this is never an easy lesson for me and one God always has to teach me the hard way.  God is patient, always nudging me along as a loving Father would.  I give Him all the glory for where I have been, where I am, and wherever He is taking me.  It's funny I'm outside of comfort zone in so many ways right now, yet completely at peace within.  I'm growing and I pray others can be encouraged and see God's light shining through me as I set out on this leg of my journey.

~ Chelle
   12/27/13

Christmas Thoughts

I thought about a poem, perhaps a story, but what I really need to post about is a heart full of love.  It is so heavy for those we have lost this year, family members that are struggling with demons as I write this, sickness in so many homes, and needs that only God can meet.  Every person I know is going through some kind of trial.  The enemy never sleeps, his evil minions roam seeking to destroy on his behalf. The devil knows his prey very well and he knows the Word of God even better.  He knows our every weakness and uses those things to twist, crowd, and distort our thinking.  However, our Heavenly Father has sent his son and Holy Spirit to intercede for us.  We are not perfect, we are not going to pass every trial the enemy throws in our path.  But I can promise our God will use it for our better, for our growth, and for His glory.  Sure, the devil can win a small battle every once in awhile, but we have read God's Word and we know how the story ends.  God wins the war.  It doesn't matter what you have done or where you are in your life.  Jesus was born to cleanse our sins and lift us from the muck and mire this world generates, all you have to do is ask.  Jesus loves you so much he died for you and He is ready and waiting for you to come back to His fold.  Being under His covering doesn't prevent the enemy's snares, in fact, it pretty much guarantees them.  But is also guarantees your protection, unconditional love, and forgiveness when you slip.  It promises you He will NEVER leave or forsake you, it ensures your needs are met, it thwarts the devil's plans and turns them to your good.  Being a child of God also gives you a entire army to stand behind you in prayer and prayer is the most powerful weapon on earth.  Don't allow the enemy to steal your joy today.  I don't care if you are sick, homeless, or don't have a gift under the tree look to God and say thank YOU Abba Father for giving Your son for my life, thank YOU Jesus for being born just to die for me, thank YOU Holy Spirit for being my comforter and guide!  Child of God praise Him out of your depression, praise Him from the streets, praise Him in your sickness because it is HIM that is going to lift you out of whatever you are going through.  I'm praying for you.  Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for prayer, the covering of the saints is powerful.  If you don't want to leave your request here send it to me in a private message.  I'll request prayer on your behalf and not mention your name.  There is power in the name of Jesus and power in prayer.  We need each others prayer and support during these hard times.  We should be building each other up and supporting each other.  I'm here for each of you.  Merry Christmas and God bless!

~ Chelle
    12/25/13

Ramblings

I had so many things on my mind to write about, yet as I sit here watching the lights on our Christmas tree they all seem to elude me.  My mind is tired of running and I find myself fighting sleep as I try to force myself to write.  You must, after all, do just that if you want your talent to improve and writing nightly is a habit I am determined to pick up. The music is playing the soft soothing melodies of Soundscapes as I watch the icicles glisten against the lights.  There is a simple quiet beauty to it that I can not explain.  My life is by far not perfect but I know it is a work in progress guided by God's hands so everything will be alright.  My bank account is not overflowing but all of my needs have been met.  I have moments where I break down and cry and find myself questioning why to so many things, isn't that a part of being human?  You never really know what someones smile might be hiding.  Storms sweep through everyone's life, some are just better at hiding it than others. I know what it is like to be in a room full of people yet you feel as if your the only one.  I've said I'm okay when inside I am dying.  I've put on a positive face when I really want to smash something or someone.  These are things we all go through.  We are not pretending to be perfect or putting on a front for the world to see, we just cope in different ways.  So many times I have smiled through the tears and came out stronger.  Not sure where this came from tonight, just sharing what's on my heart. It's important to know your not alone, I'm not alone.  We are all just trying to get through this thing called life.

~ Chelle
    12/20/13

A Matter of Perspective

It's all about perspective. I was looking around our place when that thought really started to take root.  One may see our trailer as a little tin can.  It's old, battered, yet still standing.  It needs to be painted, we don't have much room, the floors need to be redone... the list goes on.  Then I began to reflect on the love within it's walls.  It suddenly became cozy, our furniture gives it heart, our pictures on the walls brings our family of far near.  Our small little yard has flowers that randomly spring up, we have a peaceful place to cook out, a relaxing place to sit.  My "little tin can" was suddenly transformed before my eyes.  I saw serenity, beauty, character.

Isn't life that way?  We can choose to focus on every bad thing that is happening in our lives or we can shift our focus to what is going right.  When we dwell on the negative it multiples.  Not only does it multiply in our thoughts but it starts to influence those around us.  A frown breeds a frown while a smile is contagious. No one can be all sunshine.  You have to experience some storms to appreciate the beauty of the rainbows that follow.  The challenge is not to fall into a rut of despair that lingers for days, months, and for some years.  It's important to recognize the negative patterns of thinking and to make a conscious effort to find the positive.  It can be a hard habit to break.  I caught myself today and in just a second my mind set had been completely turned around and my mood with it.  The next time the negativity tries to swallow you take a minute to stop and reflect on what is right.  Again, it's all about perspective.

~ Chelle
    12/19/13

Goal Update: Week 3

I'm a couple of days late but I lost 3 pounds!  That's not bad considering all of the candy my mom made last week.  I have been writing steady, not every day but close to it.   I can't lie, still slacking in exercise and studying but trying to improve. I want to give a HUGE thank you everyone from the "like" of my page to your words of encouragement.  I am blessed to have you and you are the fuel that keeps me from giving up!

~ Chelle
    12/18/13

Keep Going

I watched the leaves on a tree outside of my office turn from green to shades of bright orange and red.  When the light hit it just right the tree appeared to be on fire.  The bright shades eventually dulled to yellows and browns.  The winds of the changing seasons began to pick up and each day my tree became a little more bare.  Now it stands tall, completely exposed. 

There is a tree beside of this bare lady that seems to be unhindered by the weather.  Her leaves are lush green, full and flourishing. Quite a contrast to the bare branches beside of it that have given way to winter.  As I was watching the two trees, a flock of birds started to fly over.  Which tree would they choose to rest for a spell?  They covered the bare branches, not a one landed on the tree covered with the leaves.  They only stayed for a minute before flying on.  The exposed branches offered them a better vantage point to continue along their journey.  It gave them a place to rest and warm in the sun.

Life reminds me of those trees.  Had it been a different season, the flock may have chosen the shade that the full tree had to offer.  That bare tree was more useful to the birds in this season.  We may be in a dry season and can not understand where we are going, but God could be using it to inspire someone else.  Everything in life happens for a reason and we are all full of usefulness.  We may not always know that reason or our purpose is, but I can promise you God does.  You may never know the impact you are having on someone else, keep going when you think you can't.  There may be eyes watching you and your journey will keep them going too.

~ Chelle
   12/16/13

Lies, Lies, Lies

My momma raised me to be an honest gal, maybe that is why I continue to be amazed at the dishonesty I see everywhere.  Some people seem to have the ability to lie instilled in them, as if it is a gift given from the devil at birth.  When these lies are told in front of little eyes it is an ability they pick up and so the cycle continues.  When I was a child I got my bottom busted if I was caught telling a lie.  It wasn't an art to be handed down to each generation, it was an offense punishable by swift action of a switch.  It wasn't child abuse, it was teaching me what was acceptable and what was not.  What should be considered child abuse is teaching multiple children to be so dishonest.  I know, I'm on a rant tonight.  I'm just sick to my stomach as a watch a mother of 5 tell so many lies.  She lies to her children, her family, to every single person in her life, including herself.  So many lies have been told that the truth can no longer be found.  It's just sad.  Watching Cops, you see the police take drugs out of a person's pocket and hear, "That's not mine, I didn't even know it was there."  Really?!  Politicians lie publicly and actually make a career of it.  Companies lie to their employees, TV ads lie to the general public, the news "twist" the truth to meet their station's agenda.  Lies, lies, lies.  It's time we take a stand and stop letting it be the norm to lie.  Vote the Politicians out of office, boycott products, turn the channel.  If there are no consequences the lies will continue and if they are rewarded they will be taught to future generations. Is the truth too much to ask for?  I don't think so, but it has to start at home and work it's way outward.  We may not be able to control the lies outside of our homes but we can refuse to make them wanted house guest inside of them.  Just a thought.

~ Chelle
    12/14/13

The Truth About People Is...

Time always reveals who is true and who is real
A small circle will love you, a much larger one will pretend to care
A handful will offer support when times are stormy, the rest will hide until the sunshine returns
A select few will be there to lift you up, a larger population is anticipating your fall
Some will talk directly to you, while others whisper behind your back
Who is real seems to out number who's not as the years pass by
We come to realize who are our friends and who the enemy is that hides within our camp
Time teaches us to value who is true and who is real

~ Chelle
    12/13/13

Just a Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for this day and this opportunity to come before Your throne.  My timeline is littered with sadness, sickness, and financially destitute situations.  Father God, so many are in need of a direct touch from You.  I pray for Your peace over them in the midst of trouble.  Send one of Your children into their path to help guide them back into light.  Cause a smile to touch their soul and lighten their heart.  Comfort the sick and give strength to the family and friends caring for them.  Wrap Your arms around them and cause them to feel Your presence in the most profound way.  Lift those in destitute situations up out of the pit of despair. Guide their every spending and touch their finances to meet their every need.  Bless those reading and praying in agreement to this prayer.  Thank You for being a God who is faithful and caring, who listens to our needs. Thank You Jesus for holding us through the sadness, healing us in the sickness, and providing for us when there seems to be no other way.  In Jesus precious name I pray. Amen.

~ Chelle
    12/12/13

The Fog of Depression

Depression is like a fog settling over your life.  You feel the shift in the air, you see it bearing down, you can even hear the warning signs coming, yet you just can't seem to escape it.  That haze has centered over me the last couple of days. I can't really explain where it came from and I don't think any medication could have held it off.  It's almost as if it alters your very thinking.  You start to see things in exaggeration.  When you dwell on the negative it starts to spread and like a fog and it will cover every nook and cranny of your life. It begins to filter out the positive, forcing it to become almost hazy as it tries to smoother the things out that keep you going.   Millions of people suffer from this every day, most are ashamed to admit it has seeped into their life.  Many are embarrassed by the medications they take to control it, they don't want society to think they are crazy or abnormal.  I become skilled at hiding it and I have been on medication for years because of it. I figured as long as I am making my life an open book I might as well put it all out there and pray my story encourages someone else. 

The Holidays can be a very difficult time and depression really hits so many throughout this season.  Getting this fog to lift from someone's life isn't easy.  I recently found that haze clouding my thoughts, influencing my decisions. Today my fog lifted and reality started to peak through.  A friend was being swallowed by that same fog and was ready to give up her life into it.  Reality check.  Life is fragile.  This precious person couldn't see her own worth.  The devil is a liar. We ALL have value.  God made each of us after his own image and he made us each unique and gifted us with special abilities. I'm thankful God could look through the fog, past "me", into "me" and still use "me" for Him.  Yes, the fog cleared today.  That's not to say it will not come back.  Just as the weather changes it is bound to happen but I am thankful to know God has power over the fog and His light will pull me (and my friend) through it.  God Bless!

~ Chelle
    12/10/13

Weekly Goal Update

Where has the first week gone?  It flew by. I kind of dreaded this update because I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to and it seems the weight is going to come off so slow (too slow).  I had to remind myself, part of doing this so openly is to show it can be done.  Not that is easy, but that it is possible.  Not that I won't slip, but that I will NOT quit.  Amazingly I lost 1 pound last week.  I stayed within my calories every day but one. I exercised 3 days, so I need to pick it up by 1-2 days this week. I am still finding it hard to study consistently but I am improving.  I have written 8 out of 9 days this month.   They may not be long or award winning pieces, but it has definitely been a positive start.  I have a long ways to go, but I am well on my way to the new me (that is actually the old me).  Thank you all for your support and a special thanks to my coach, Nina.  The support you guys have given me has motivated me to keep going when I think I can't.  You guys are the best and I will keep pressing!

~ Chelle
    12/9/13

Happiness, Just A Thought

Happiness.  I have been contemplating that word a lot lately.  We tend to associate happiness with people or places but doesn't it really have to start from within?  How can you be happy with others if you do not like yourself?  How can you make others happy if that happiness didn't first come from somewhere deep inside of you?  As for things, they are fleeting so any happiness caused is temporary.   Recently, someone close to me said I seem to be more on edge lately. He was right, I have been. I have become so worried with trying to see everyone else was happy that it began to weigh on my own happiness.  I love where I am in my life.  It sounds silly, but I am happy spending a Monday night laying on the couch watching wrestling with Billy.  I may grumble from time to time, but I find myself smiling as I wash the dishes.  I have found a joy and peace in keeping the house causes a smile to cross my face. I am enjoying this time in my life, right now right here.  Perhaps instead of worrying about if someone else is happy I should allow my happiness to radiate outward and let it act as a reassurance that things are going to be alright.  It took me a long time to get to this place in my life.  It hasn't been a perfect journey, but God has blessed every step of the way on this journey I have taken.  I should wear this smile proudly as a reflection of what God has done and is doing in me.  I want all my family and friends to have the peace in their lives that produces the genuine happiness that is rooted in your very being, but I can't force that happiness on them.  Sadly, some people are satisfied in turmoil, others enjoy drama.  I'll love you, I'll be here for you, I'll pray for you, but I won't let worry hinder my smile.  God is good and my smile should be a light drawing others in.  Be blessed.

~ Chelle
    12/8/13

Reflection

It is no wonder I am tired, my mind is constantly running.  I would be pencil thin if I could figure out how to turn that energy into a weight loss program. The good, the bad, the indifferent... it all plays out when I least expect it.  Memories rush in and I'm left thinking, "where did that come from?"  I had a dream about an event clear back in high school a couple of weeks ago and I spent days reflecting on it. So many times I hear people say what they would change if they could.  There are many things I guess I could wish to have changed but in reality they molded me into the woman I am today. Everything we experience becomes like little stepping stones toward our future.  We can learn from those "stones" and allow them to move us higher or we can dwell on them, turning them into boulders that block our path.  The stones that seem to pierce the hardest are often the stones that propel us further.  They allow us to grow and to be a light to others who may be on that same dark path.  They force us to become stronger for our journey and act as a testimony reflecting what great things God can do.  The biggest stones give us something to appreciate, they add value when reflecting upon where you were, where you are, and where you are headed.   Bad choices last a moment in time, if you wake to see another day you have been given a chance to turn things around.  Reflection is good to remind us of how far we have come, but don't let something from your past block your future.  Bust that boulder into pieces and use them to step up into your future.  Cement those loose stones and move on.  Tell your past, thank you for teaching and preparing me for my journey. Tell your future, challenge excepted.  As for your present, just live.  You never know what day will be your last.

~ Chelle
    12/6/13

The Little Things

It's the little things that mean the world to me. The way he touches my foot with his at night to feel me close. Buying me a bottle of Figi water because he knows wine doesn't interest me.  It's simply laying his hand over me at night, giving me comfort to know he needs me near. Flowers for no special occasion or buying my coke zero just because puts a smile on my face.  His every day actions mean so much.  He forces me to focus when silly things start to trouble me. I love the way he looks at me so serious and them caves into a smile. It's cooking my favorite food when he knows I've had a rough day that turns it around.  He keeps me grounded when life tries to uproot me. These "little" things begin to snowball into an avalanche of gratitude. Thank you Billy Schirmer for being you!

~ Chelle
   12/5/13

Just A Drop

I am transparent.  My size varies depending on the storm.  I can rush down like a flood or trickle as if I were being sifted.  I might roar like a thousand lions or tread lightly with soft little taps.  I may cleanse the land or renew your spirit.   My sound may lull you to sleep or quickly draw you from one.  I can be soothing or nerve racking.  It all depends on how you see me.  I could be a drop of rain falling from the sky or a tear falling from your eye...

~ Chelle
    12/4/13

Pleasantly Plumply

I recently started by online weight loss album and made it public for all to see.  This wasn't a decision I took lightly.  People can be cruel and words painful.  Almost all of the pictures I have taken over the last several years have been face shots, rarely ever do you see a pic below my shoulders.  I began to contemplate on this.  The reason is clear, I was embarrassed for others to see me.  I was ashamed of my weight and my appearance.  This really started to trouble me.  If I can not be happy in my own skin there is something very wrong. 

Then I started scrolling through pictures of my friends and family and noticed several with nothing but face shots, some have never had a picture of themselves posted at all.  I began to wonder why this was.  Sure some may not have access to change their pictures, but I can't help but wonder how many are bothered by their own appearance.  Perhaps they feel too fat, too thin, too short, too tall... too anything that causes them to shy away from showing others themselves. 

Our society places a heavy emphasis on appearance, yet how someone views another person's appearance is completely subjective.  A person can be pretty when you first meet and after you get to know them their beauty somehow fades as their not so nice inner appearance takes over.  Beauty truly comes in all shapes, all sizes, and inner beauty can certainly shine through.  We all see beauty in different ways.  Billy sees me as beautiful, he sees me through his eyes in a way that I sometimes don't see myself.

I thought on this for awhile before deciding to post my fat pic, or pleasantly plumply pic, as I prefer to say.  I wanted to show the real me, completely raw and exposed.  I have my "pretty" days and then I have those days where I just feel hideous. I am a real person and I want other real people to know they are NOT alone. They can join "Team Michelle" (thank you Lisa) and be happy with yourself and motivate to change what your are not happy with.  So please join me in this journey and don't be afraid to post pics of the real you, the beautiful you!

~ Chelle
    12/3/13

Accountability

I have a fire lit under me, now I need to keep the flames going.  I've given a lot of thought in how to accomplish this.  This life change is not going to happen unless I am held accountable to my goals.  Nina Siders has graciously agreed to be my accountability partner.  We will help keep the flames of change burning for each other. 

To make changes, I need to know what I want to change and how I will accomplish it. Nina will also need something to hold me accountable for, so here we go...

First, I want and need to lose weight. Before leaving Florida, I was diagnosed with diabetes. This runs in my family, yet I felt a great deal of shame at first.  I truly believed I had brought it on myself.  I was overweight, not eating right, and not really taking care of myself. Perhaps it was my fault this family illness was upon me. Honestly, I still struggle with this, but enough is enough.  My Doctor told me it was early and I could control it through diet and exercise.  I alone have to the ability to change it myself or continue down a path towards medication.  Today, I choose to do something about it.  My goal is to lose 1 to 1-1/2 pounds a week.  I have chosen to accomplish this journey through the Lose It App. This is a self tested method that I know works for me, I just need the will power to see it through.  I will stay within my calorie count and exercise at least 3-5 days a week.  I will also work on changing my eating habits by watching my portion control, eating balanced meals and including diabetic friendly snacks.

Second, I want to be a better writer. I will stop procrastinating and complete the writing course I am currently enrolled in.  The same course I paid for, completed a few chapters, and stopped.  I will also write everyday.  To get better at something you have to do it and do it often. The only way to be a writer is to write, so no matter how many or few words I spill, I need to make this a daily priority.  I will also keep a journal of my progress.

Third, I need to be more financially stable.  Our move was difficult and it took the help of two very important people.  These two people were lifesavers and owing them weighs heavy on my mind.  I want to get these loans paid off, put an end to payday loans, and start saving.  To accomplish this, Billy is going to do the shopping.  Seriously, I know this is a weakness of mine and until I can get a handle on it I will not do any shopping unless I come armed with a list to shop from (and I will only buy what is on that list). The days of reckless spending are over.

Finally, I started taking courses with Ames International School of Ministry.  I decided on the paid program, paid for the course and then guess what I did?  That's right, got too busy and just stopped.  I want to follow through and complete this program.  This involves a lot of memorization and that is hard for me.  Perhaps that is subconsciously why I quit.  However, completing this has been one of my heart's desires and it is time to suck it up and get it done.  I will commit at least 1-2 hours a day to this course.  I will put the Scriptures I need to memorize on note cards and review them several times a day.

There you have it.  These are the goals that I need to be held accountable for.  Why have I shared them with you?  There are several reasons.  I want you to help Nina hold me accountable.  I also know I will need encouragement at times to stay on the right path.  However, perhaps most important, I want to show those people who think they can't do something that they can.  You can lose weight, you can do something you have always dreamed of, you can be financially stable.  You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to.  I will update my page weekly to share my progress.  If you think I'm slacking, call me on it.  A special thank you to Nina and each of you for taking this journey with me.  Let's do this!

~ Chelle
    12/2/13

Serious Changes

I see so many things going on in the world around me. As I watch family, friends, acquaintances, and even people I do not personally know passing, I realize time waits for no man. Sickness lay in wait for so many that will be completely unexpected.  Freak accidents will cut lives short. Crimes will end yet others.  Life is precious, every hour, every minute... not one second is promised.  I sit here sipping my coffee on this quiet morning contemplating that profound fact when suddenly the sound of birds singing break the silence. The winds of change sweep through our little retro haven as they chirp, "wake up, wake up."

Too many of us are so busy trying to exist we forget to live.  Not only do we forget to live we begin to become so indrenched in the daily routine of life we just let time slip on by and our dreams, our goals with it.  I began to think on this and over and over the word "serious" kept creeping into my mind, the word "change" began to permeate through my spirit.  My time is now, am I going to let it slip by or reach out and grab the things I truly desires?  It is past time to change the way I think and get serious about the things my heart truly wants.

I need to lose weight, lose it.  I want to write, do it.  I want my finances to be more than just getting by, make it happen.  We complicate things with silly details when it's really simple, just do it.  Get off my bottom and exercise and eat right.  Stop being lazy and write something every day.  Quit reckless spending.  No more excuses.  No more wasting time that you can't get back.  No more taking time for granted.

God has placed me here right now.  He gave me this body, I should take care of it.  He gave me a talent, I should cultivate and share it. He has provided me with everything I need to do more than just survive, I should take advantage of it.  He can't do it for me, it's time for me to get serious and make life changes.  Changes in the way I eat, changes in my habits, changes in my spending... changes in my very thinking.  It can't be a New Year's Resolution that fades away, the changes have to come from deep within my spirit.  Changes that God has equipped me with strength and determination to carry out.  Changes that will be encouraged by family and friends.  Changes that allow me to be happy and shine as the woman God would have me to be.  Serious life altering changes... challenge accepted.  Stay tuned as my life transforms and I blossom into the person I was born to be.

~ Chelle
    12/1/13

Retro Living

My life seems to have come full circle.  I remember being young and living in a small trailer, wanting out of a little town.  I just longed to live the big city life.  I craved the loud busy streets with vendors like I found while living in New York.  A world of riding the trains and subways with taxi cabs doing the driving was all me.   I wanted the loud confusion of the city to drown out everything else that goes through this worrisome head of mine. I loved it, for a time.  As I got older my views began to change, I no longer saw the world with the innocence of a child.  I began to long for those old country roads we traveled as teens.  The quiet peacefulness of the off beaten track is where I now wanted to be.  Florida offered a slower way of being, but it was just that "being."  The long hours I poured into work left no satisfaction for me.  Working with government programs made me lose trust in our political system.  I began to become hardened to the things going on in the world, "what do you expect" became my attitude.  I was calloused to the things people go through, after all so many brought them upon themselves.  I was tired of confronting the ungratefulness that exist in people, there seemed to be an expectation among many that things should be given to them.  Like most, I have had to earn everything along the way so where does this expectation come from?  Not to mention the truth was a concept I believed people in general had abandoned.  I would hear stories and say and think, "How sad, if it is true."  When had my belief that the political system was big governmental conspiracy been born?  At one point did my sorrow for my fellow man begin to dwindle?  I recall my co-workers in New York laughing at just how many times I would say "bless your heart" over the phone to customers each day.  How long had it been since I uttered those words to people over and over and meant them straight from the heart?  What a sad existence for me. 

As I met Billy, my heart began to soften again.  I started to crave those things I had been so eager to leave behind when I was young.  My priorities began to shift, I no longer cared to immerse myself in work.  I wanted to spend time with family and friends.  I started to listen to the stories I was being told with a genuine concern.  I still see the government as big brother and not so much for the people, but for the political parties. However, I now I chose to be advocate for the things close to my heart.  I am no longer naive.  There are many people ready to pounce on the innocent; however, there are many innocent that need help.  Now I find myself in Louisiana, in the midst of people who need an advocate the most.

I'm living in a tiny trailer that is a long way from a luxury apartment I had become accustomed to, yet there is a peace that resides here.  A happiness I had been a part from.  The trailer is snuggled into a little park, hidden away from the traffic with families that push their children on bikes, nightly bonfires, and morning coffee on the porch. Every trailer here looks like it is from the 50's to 70's.  There isn't the modern comfort of a dishwasher.  It requires a trip to the local laundry mat for clean clothes.  Yet there is a sense of contentment deep within me that I had allowed the city  to rob.  This place is old, but that gives it character.  The space is tiny, yet cozy.  The air is clean and the atmosphere is calm.  I smile and look around at what I call our Peaceful Retro Haven. I've fallen back into another time, a time before I had got lost into the hustle of today's world.  Yes, my life has come full circle.  I am not only okay with that, I am completely at peace with that!

~ Chelle
    11/10/13

Stressing Less

I was sitting back this evening enjoying a fresh cool breeze as I found myself looking around at our cozy little place.  An enormous feeling of peacefulness rushed over me.  It wasn't long ago that I was worrying all the time and about every little thing.  Migraines were a daily part of my life and tears a regular part of my routine.  The devil was using the same people or situations to gain ground against me.  He was up to his old tricks today and I almost fell for them.  Just as the tears were ready to spill over, Billy snapped me back into reality with the truth.  I realized what he had to say was right. Things in life are going to happen, people will be just that- people .  It's how I react to those situations that matters.  Do I let them move me to tears or allow them to trigger a raging migraine?  It's better to accept each situation as it is and each person for who they are.  The way they act is a reflection on their self and for me to take on that reflection is falling into the devil's snares.  I don't always have to have the last word, not even when I know I'm right.  Sometimes it is best to hold my peace and allow the Holy Spirit to navigate the choppy water.  My daddy is a King, that makes me a princess.   I'm an heir to royalty.  Anyone can be inferior to me in their own eyes, what matters is how I see myself.  I don't need to be a power player that lifts myself above others because my God is THE power player and I am perfectly happy resting on His team.  It feels so good to enjoy life again.  I still have lots I could worry about and I am a work in progress so it still tries to creep back in. Every time the worry bug tries to bite I quote a Scripture and go back to stressing less and living more!

~ Chelle
    10/21/13

Philippians 4:4-13

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
⁵ Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
⁶ Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
⁷ And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
⁹ Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
¹⁰ But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
¹¹ Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
¹² I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
¹³ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Matthew 6:25-34

²⁵ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
²⁶ Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
²⁷ Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
²⁸ And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
²⁹ And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
³⁰ Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
³¹ Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
³² (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
³³ But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
³⁴ Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

The Enemy IS Defeated

What an awesome God we serve.  He's stronger than any sickness that tries to bury us.  He's bigger than any evil that presents itself against us.  He's greater than any financial storm that tries to hit us.  It doesn't matter the situation or form of attack, God has it all under control.  What the enemy means for harm, God can and WILL use for His good. Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Satan isn't very original, but he does know the areas of attack that will do the most harm to your spirit.  Once you recognize those areas in your life you can begin to fight them with God's Word.  Does he attack your health? Quote, "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed." 1 Peter 2:24. Perhaps he is taking aim at you personally? Quote, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13.  Attacking your finances? "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19.  You can find a Scripture for EVERY dart the enemy throws causing him to be defeated.

I was a little discouraged tonight.  I mediated on the situation for a bit and then I began to shake my head and wipe away my tears.  I should have been mediating on God's Word and speaking against the situation.  Silly devil, you got me for a moment and then the Holy Spirit quickened me to your ploy.

I am a child of the most high God.  His Spirit resides in me.  Whatever I set my hands to WILL prosper.  The enemy may try to plan my fall, but the deck can't be stacked against me because God sees ALL the cards.  An enemy can blend in for awhile, but when God turns the light on the truth rushes in like a flood.  When the water recedes only the true landscape remains. 

I've read so many posts from family and friends that are treading through the swampy waters of despair.  Seaweed has twist around your feet as you feel your health pulling you under.  Gators seem to be chomping at your heels while the mud of your finances are bogging you down.

Stand firm in who you are in Christ.  Have your life jacket ready and armed with Scriptures that force the devil and his minions back into the mire and muck.  That green dirty water your treading doesn't have to drown you.  Praise the Lord and feel His awesome power pulling you up into His boat of life.

Child of God, you are healthy. You are a success.  You are financially stable.  Your Daddy is THE King and He has all the resources you will ever need.  Don't just read it, don't just say it.  Believe in it, walk in it, and thank God for it!

~ Chelle
    10/15/13

A World of Worry

Worrying is the hardest habit in the world to break.  I'm not even sure how many years ago I picked this horrible habit up, for it seems as if I have always had it.  The worse is when I worry about things completely beyond my control. I worry about family, friends, money, work, the list is endless.  It is a habit I have been trying to conquer and in my latest move to Louisiana I have been "forced" to see some improvement in this area.  I've found sometimes God places you in a position where you are forced to put your trust in Him.  This is exactly where I am now and He has continued to meet every need along the way. 

I am used to being in complete control, I had to give that up for this move.  It meant leaving my security blanket, my job, behind.  I also left my comfortable apartment unsure of where we would land.  I found God not only taking the resources we had and stretching them, but providing new ones along the way.  We have a cozy place to call home, plenty to eat, and paychecks that will resume soon.  It's all been done in such a way that God gets ALL the glory.  He has used so many people along the way, but it was His hand that  has accomplished it all. 

Matthew 6:25-34 has been on my heart over these last few days as I have watched the Lord working in my life, "²⁵ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? ²⁶ Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? ²⁷ Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? ²⁸ And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: ²⁹ And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? ³¹ Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? ³² (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. ³³ But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ³⁴ Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."  Powerful words to remember when worry tries to creep into your spirit.

God also placed a song in my spirit throughout this time, "One Day at a Time".  Every lyric touched my heart and my situation.  Amazing how God knew the perfect song for exact time it would be needed.  It is with those lyrics I leave you with tonight knowing, God has this, one day at a time!

One Day at a Time
Written by Marijohn Wilkin and Kris Kristofferson


I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

(Chorus)


Writing prompt #94, "write about a habit you find hard to break." http://creativewritingprompts.com/#

"FML"

"FML."  I see this a lot on my Facebook feed and it has always vexed my spirit a little.  Don't get me wrong,  I'm as guilty as the next of being down and reflecting it in my post on occasion.  Sometimes we all need a little encouragement and we all certainly need a place to vent and express our frustrations. I do that a lot in my writings as well.  There has even been times I have been tempted to type those 3 "little" letters, but then I think about the power behind them. They may seem small but they carry such a huge negative connotation that places a dark cloud of energy over you.  It's almost as if you invite the enemy in to wreak havoc on your life.  You might as well climb a mountain and yell, "come on devil, I'm at my lowest..." And believe me he has many minions out there ready to jump on you and add fuel to your fire.

God's Word has a pretty clear stance on the way we speak.  Proverbs 18:20-21 warns, ^"(20)A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. ⁽²¹⁾ Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  The picture couldn't have been painted any clearer or the words any stronger.  You can speak life into your situation or you can speak death.  One might interject here, "it's just 3 letters, something said in aggravation."  True; however, it also true the enemy is most vigilant in those times and always ready to attack.  ^"8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:" 1 Peter 5:8.

I'm not encouraging you not to vent, but to choose your words carefully while you do.  Even Jesus showed a righteous indignation when he threw the thieves out of the temple. Matthew 21:12-13,^"12 And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,¹³ And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves."  He rebuked them firmly and righteously, allowing us to see anger is sometimes unavoidable.  It is our reaction to that anger or disappointment that controls the situation.

I would like to encourage you (and myself) to speak life into whatever situation you may encounter.  When you are so angry, hurt or disappointed and tempted to type "FML," remember Faithful My Lord."  He is faithful and sees all you are going through.  He will never leave or forsake you.  Remember, "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5  Express how you feel, but then say I got this because MY Jesus' got me!  Your release from the situation is going to come from your praise to God.  When you invite praise in, the devil can't stick around.  Be encouraged, thanks to Jesus (and through Jesus) YOU GOT THIS!

Lost in the Moment

Silvery flakes drifted down, glittering in the bright light of the harvest moon. The blackbird squawked from a nearly naked tree that had been stripped by the winds of fall.  You can almost hear the unique flakes touch the earth.  They seem to glisten as they fall onto the cold hard ground, sparkling like diamonds as the moon catches them from the corner of your eye.  It is quiet here, you can actually hear the snow hit as it lands.  Just as you start to get lost in the peace the blackbird announces his presence bringing you back into reality.  His call echo's and then silence nothing but the ping of snow piling around you. You begin to feel the bitter cold nipping at your nose, you had been almost warmed by the beauty you were taking in before your feathered friend snapped you back into the present.  Now the bits of snow and ice are pelting you, forcing you inside where you watch God's beauty from a distance.

Writing prompt 9 "Silvery flakes drifted down, glittering in the bright light of the harvest moon. The blackbird…" http://www.writingforward.com/writing-prompts/creative-writing-prompts/25-creative-writing-prompts

Cold as Ice

This woman is as cold as they come.  Her curses and the way she speaks to people would make the devil blush.  She doesn't leave much to the eye, with her breast (bought and paid for my a male seeking attention) practically hanging out.  Her skirts are so short you can see the place where her panties should reside, but don't. Her nails are as fake as everything else on her.  She chooses long ones but has stained them with something, cigarettes perhaps.  She doesn't even cover the disgusting particles she has collected on them with a dark coat of paint.  What little clothing she wears is 2 sizes too small.  Her voice is shrill and her laughter could be compared to one of an evil witch.  You can feel the coldness oozing from her when she walks into a room. There is an evil like presence that surrounds her.  Be careful what you say when she is within earshot,  she will twist words in such a way you will not be able to recognize them.  Manipulation is the game she plays and she is an expert at it.  She is the Queen of lies.  Perhaps the bitterness in her heart for all the damage she has caused keeps her on this frozen path.  She has ice water is in her veins.  Her cold touch destroys every thing she touches. Heed my warning and keep your distance.  Upon contact with her your growth will freeze and when she finishes with you, all that she has not already destroyed will melt away.  Don't give her the chance, don't give her the satisfaction.  Walk away before she freezes you in your steps.  Let her coldness seclude her into an ice sculpture that time slowly chisels away.

~ Chelle
   10/10/13




Today's writing prompt is, "Free write for 3 minutes on this cliche: ice water in her veins." #152  http://creativewritingprompts.com/#

A Range of Emotion

I have given a a lot of thought as in what to write for tonight's entry.  So many things have crossed my path today.  Some evoked disappointment, others a kind of removed sadness, and yet others a peaceful happiness.  The range of emotion has been off the chart, I'm fairly sure PMDD has played an ugly role in this. 

Revenge has weighed heavy on my mind.  The more I thought this over, the more I realized the emotions were coming from my heart being too soft and easily hurt. This led to a disappointment that swept over me and edged me toward making others pay for the pain they had caused. Revenge would only portray me as bitter and in the end my tender heart would only end up feeling worse.  I truly believe people get back what they put out, so I really feel sorry for this select group of people. One can't prosper from two faced, back biting ways.  Sometimes we burn bridges not realizing we may need to cross them in the future.  Sadly, there is no bridge here to cross.  All but one burnt it to the ground.  I really do not care to hear any details of how they are fairing, be it good or bad.  The page has been turned, no need to re-read it or to create an alternate ending.  They are no longer part of my story, I wish them the best and lots of luck in stabbing each other in the back along the way.

It pains me to see my family and friends in turmoil. I am miles away, but feel their pain.  I find myself calling it a removed sadness.  I had to remove myself from certain situations to allow the people I tend to enable to grow.  It breaks my heart but removing myself allows me to be sad when reflecting on the situations yet redirect those feelings elsewhere after reflection so I do not drown in them. Today I wanted to shout "GROW UP" to a couple of women who are putting themselves before the needs of their children.  Recently, several situations have been placed into my path where the father and child need an advocate for their own rights.  We have went so far in one direction that women are too easily able to manipulate a system that was designed to help them. I think I am going to research how I can become an advocate for fathers, I don't think there are enough of them.

I sat back in a chair in my yard this evening and looked around at God's beauty.  The emotions of the day seemed to peel away and I was left with a peaceful happiness.  I am blessed beyond words and thankful for God's hand every step of the way.  Not everything has clearly came into focus but God sees the bigger picture.  My needs are met each day and I have family and friends who love me.  God is good and I am thankful.

~ Chelle
   10/9/13

A Bucket of Distaste

A beautiful bucket all shiny and new, painted a pretty shade of blue and decorated with tiny flowers in a mixture of bright hues.  Pleasant to the eye, intriguing to all who walks by.  What lies under the sealed cover must be something that would bring so much pleasure and delight.  Let's take a peek and see what lies beneath the bright lid closed tight.  What's this, it's dark and grungy in there?  How could this be when the outside has had such delicate care?  The ashes of hate, sludge of anger, and acid of unforgiveness seems to abide in there. Those feelings of mild distaste all crammed deep within stale air.  The ashes of hate are coating the clean bucket with dark flickers of disdain.  The sludge is weighing the bucket down, preventing it from moving to be used as it would like.  The acid of unforgiveness is causing a corrosion from the inside out.  The feelings of mild distaste are starting to grow, the bucket can't contain them all forever if someone doesn't let them go.  They will slowly begin to breach it's brim and spill over the top.  Perhaps at first it will just be a few drops, but if someone doesn't cleanse it from within this pretty bucket will begin to stain and slowly grow grim.  People will start to approach it with apprehension and eventually it will not be touched at all.   It's outward beauty will begin to fall as it becomes one with the evil ingredients it's harbored within.  The inside will inevitably reveal the bucket's true color's in the end.

~ Chelle
    10/8/13

Today's writing prompt is, "Write about a bucket of distaste." #239  http://creativewritingprompts.com/#

Settling In

Wow.  What a journey it has been.  Almost 900 miles, a week of hotels, and we finally have a place to call home.  Looking around, it is almost as if my life has come full circle.  Many years ago I was raised in an old small trailer, 14 wide.  I now find myself in a tiny trailer, 12 wide.  It too is rather old, 50's or 60's I'd guess.  You can see it's walls and ceilings didn't at all meet the test of time and had to be redone.  It's floors have certainly weathered many sets of feet across them.  I was sitting back looking it over the other day when it occurred to me, this place was once new to someone.  At one time, a family was on could nine as the trailer hosted everything pretty and new. I'm sure the walls within this place have memories filled from all the families it has kept in the past.  I find a peace wash over me. Sometimes I think you have to be reminded of where you started to appreciate where you are going.  I don't have a pool, yet take pleasure sitting outside and watching the birds sing.  A dishwasher can't be found here, yet I find myself enjoying the mundane things I had no time for over the last several years.  A smile sneaks across my face as I dry the dishes and put them into their new place.  There is a coziness in these rooms and I'm thankful to have settled in here.  My migraines are almost nonexistent. There is a peace that resides deep inside of me that transcends from my being and pours out into the environment around me.  God has truly blessed us with a safe haven to call home.

~ Chelle
   10/7/13

God's Canvas

The weeks heavy rain has left the landscape before me completely refreshed.  There are lush greens of every shade and a watery marsh below that glistens when kissed by the sun.  The leaves seem to act as tiny cups allowing the butterflies to drink from nature's water.  The wind starts with a gentle breeze but slowly the limbs begin to sway.  Little bugs almost seem to be playing follow-the-leader as they buzz through the air.  I hear a squawking bird in a distance making his presence known.  Locust or something of the sort seems to compete with a loud hum, it's almost like a siren that gets loud and then slowly fades.  As my ears adjust, there seems to be a rhythm to it all.  Even the humming mellows into a peaceful flow as dripping drops of water trickle down to the earth below.  Suddenly a flicker on the tree catches my eye.  It's actually a drop of water with the appearance of a flame.  Then something amazing happens, I see little glimmers of lights like on a Christmas tree.  They are little dabs of water with the sun filtering through creating God's natural lights on these strong limbs.  God is an artist and this earth is His canvas, I feel blessed to sit here and just observe his creation around me!

Today's writing prompt is #962, "Sit in total silence for 5 minutes and observe the things around you.  Write a story about the sense of awareness this brings you."

~ Chelle
   9/26/13

Nightly Ramble

I'm not feeling too creative tonight, but write I must.  I couldn't find a prompt that caught my attention so I figured I would ramble for a bit.  I am amazed at God's hand over my life as I look back on the last 9 years.  I left a small town in West Virginia and landed in New York.  I still remember coming out of the bus station and being surrounded by these giant buildings and hundreds of people bustling on the streets.  Bright signs flashing pictures on the buildings.  Vendors on every corner, paintings, purses, jewelry, food. MMMM the smell of the pretzels and hotdogs wafting in the air as I walked by.  A crowded subway with all sorts of people.  White, black, olive, brown... eyes in every shade, blue green, brown... languages I never even knew existed.  New York City was a world within a world all on it's on.  I recall the train ride out of the city.  Two small suitcases and a dream.

A couple of years later and a marriage in despair I find myself on a plane flying through the air.  I land in Florida with two suitcases, although nicer than the ones before, and several boxes. I go from an apartment with mold on the ceilings to a townhouse with more luxuries than I could have imagined... a pool, hot tub, dishwasher, ice-maker, washer, and dryer.  What?!  It was a completely new way of life for me.  I saw my office of two grow into 5.  Our warehouse went from daily Fed Ex drive-bys to a trailer packed full and picked up nightly.  Things in the corporate world began to shift and we moved on up into a beautiful office, but without a warehouse.  I'm not the cut throat type and I tend to be way too nice, so I find myself outgrowing things here.

Just when I think I can't make it another day, the door to Louisiana opens wide.  Here I go again, only with more than two suitcases and not at all alone. I am excited to see what God has in store for me and this leg of my journey.  I've come a long way and still have a long way to go!

~ Chelle
   9/25/13

A Leafy Experience

My bright green color is starting to fade or is it morphing into a new orange or red? I feel the color draining from my being as look around and see other leaves beginning to fall.  What is this that is happening to this tree standing so strong and tall?  The rains of spring have drenched us, the sizzling sun of summer almost scorched us, yet we still clung to the branches our hues of green acting as a shade to all.  Now I see us changing colors and drifting away with the wind.  My green glow has been transformed into a bright orange beauty that takes your breath away.  All who walk by are mesmerized by the glimmer of light reflecting through me, it's as if flickering flames of a fire have appeared on me.  My beauty and  the beauty of those surrounding me create a perfect masterpiece from God above.  What is to become of us?  Where does the wind carry my fellow leaves I have grown to love? While I am contemplating my being, a gentle breeze lightly brushes through me.  I begin to twist and rustle.  I break free from the branch that I didn't even realize was binding me and floated carelessly through the air.  The sound of the wind was like a peaceful lullaby as it rocked me to my final resting place.  I land among the others who had fallen before me, ready to sleep and be recreated in life's cycle.  I will slowly become one with the ground, enriching it.  In turn, it will nourish my tree and in the Spring tiny buds of life will come out again.

~ Chelle
9/24/13

Today's writing prompt is #95. "You are a leaf on a tree that is undergoing foliage.  What are your leafy thoughts and feelings?

Back in The Saddle Again: Haunted Dreams

I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing.  I am determined to write something everyday.  After all. to perfect something you must do it and do it often.  I cam across this book, "1,000 Creative Writing Prompts Ideas for Blogs, Scripts, Stories, and More," by  Bryan Cohen.  These prompts seem like the perfect way to stir up my creative energy.  I'm going to take his challenge and choose 1 a day to explore into my writing world.  The writings might start off a little rusty, but I am hopeful to slide back into the saddle with ease and continue to improve with each piece I write.

Today's writing prompt is #921.  "talk about an experience in which you felt an other worldly presence.  If you do not have one, make one up or talk about how a real life experience might have been influenced by some kind of ghost."

Haunted Dreams

I always felt my grandma's back room upstairs was haunted.  I  had heard stories of bodies being kept there until burial many years before I was born.  Spirits could easily linger there and that is a thought that still haunts my dreams until this day.  I wouldn't say my grandma's house was ancient but it was definitely very old. She had lived in it as a young girl before indoor bathrooms and running water even existed. I recall an outhouse that my Uncle Junior used to pick us up and jokingly threaten to throw us down as little children.  I have so many fond memories of that old house, I can only imagine the memories of previous generations that still haunt it to this day.

My haunted dreams never vary much, yet they still send chills through me.  There is a single light bulb screwed into a simple base in the middle of the room. There is no light switch, just a string dangling down from it.  I can see the light on from the bottom of the stairs and I know I have to make that long walk up them and into the room to turn the light off. It seems my grandma's large metal window fan is always spinning and needs to be unplugged in this process.  As I run into the room and pull it's chord, I feel the presence of something or someone watching me.  The fan is only a few feet from the light but it seems to take me forever to get back to it to yank the light cord.  The light goes off leaving me in complete darkness as I leap down the stairs and slam the door shut.  I seem to think closing the door somehow traps the unworldly being upstairs and then I wake in a cold sweat, heart pounding.  It's such a strange dream to have about a house I have not slept in for so many years, yet it brings me back to a single moment in time.

I was in high school.  I had conquered my fear of being upstairs at night and usually slept in the first room of it.  I had a lot going on in my family and in my life.  I tend to take every little thing to heart and worrying seems to be in my nature.  I'm fairly certain that is what prompted this super natural visit.  I was sound asleep when a presence woke me.  It was as if I could feel someone staring at me.  Before my eyes stood my daddy, who died when I was 3 months old.  I couldn't move, my mind reeling trying to make sense of what I saw.  The room I slept in had a tilted roof and daddy was rather tall so he was slightly bent by my bed.  His tender blue eyes were filled with love as he told me everything would be okay, everything would always be okay and he loved me and would be watching over me.  Suddenly the weight of seeing my dead father terrified me as I jumped out of bed and skipped down the stairs so fast that I think i missed most of them.  I never slept another night in that room.

I wish I could go back into that moment of time.  I would not have been scared, but instead I would have told him I loved him too.  He never came to me again, at least not in such a vivid way.  It's a comfort to know my daddy is watching over me, it is something I truly believe.  The stories hidden in that house are greater than I could imagine.  I wonder if anyone else has been visited by a glimpse of it's past.  This interaction with my daddy is the only memory I have of him and fear forced it to end much too short, or perhaps I heard what he really wanted to convey and there was no need for him to return.  A brief moment suspended in time, forever engraved into my mind, and permanently hidden in my heart.

Chelle
9/23/13

PMDD Blues

     PMDD ( PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is like a dark cloud hanging over my head.  People don't like to talk about, many think it doesn't even exist but it is a very real condition to those ladies who that have it.  About 75% of women experience PMS, while only about 3-8% suffer from PMDD.  PMS is bad enough, but PMDD takes the physiological and physical symptoms to an extreme level.

    The dark cloud rolls in with thoughts distorting my self image as the water weight gain makes me feel like a large brooding storm cloud in an enormous sky.  The irritability crashes like thunder as I rumble negative thoughts through my head that spill over from my mouth.  Lightening bolts of sadness flash without warning as tears begin to fall like a summer rain.  The winds of indecision start to swirl as I lose focus and concentration.  The rain pours for days completely overwhelming me as storms would a river bank.  The rushing water exhaust me physically and start to drown me emotionally.  Finally, about a week in the rain begins to subside and a glimmer of sunshine starts to break through the clouds.  My outlook begins to change like a beautiful rainbow in the sky, a promise that everything is going to be okay.  And it is, until my next cycle hits...   and like Florida's rainy season, PMDD comes flooding back in.

TMJ, Migraines, and Stress... Need to be Less

     My grandfather rode the raindrops to Heaven, it was such a peaceful passing.  In the two weeks I was home, I was not plagued with the TMJ and migraines I have become so familiar with.  It was an emotionally draining time, yet filled with moments of pure peace.  God's presence could be felt by all in a real and tangible way.  The trip home was physically tiring and upon my return many seemed to think I had been away on a 2 week vacation.  I will always cherish sitting by my grandfather's bedside and holding his hand in his final days, watching his facial expressions as I talked to him and even gently wiping a tear from his eye.  The fellowship with family by his bedside was priceless, filled with both tears and laughter.  Even reminiscing back brings a feeling of peace washing over me. Yet, it wasn't a picnic or vacation.

     I returned to find my team being completely overwhelmed by the amount of work the first of July always brings.  Recent changes in the state system have created more work than usual and more than is even necessary.  I jumped in full force, skipping lunches and working 7 straight days, with long hours at that.  On the 8th day the stress finally caught up to me in the form of a migraine more nasty than I could have ever imagined and preceded by vertigo and vomiting.  It actually sent fear coursing through me, as I didn't realize it was a precursor to a migraine and thought something was seriously wrong.  Thankfully the medication has kicked in and both the migraine and rebound headache are gone.  I have the weekend to recover and to come up with a game plan for the days ahead.  My stress level is through the roof and if I do not get a handle on it the TMJ and migraines will only continue to worsen and grow more frequent. 

     People with migraines have triggers that usually set them off.  My trigger is seriously hard to avoid so I need a better way to deal with the stress from it.  Writing may help lift the days frustrations from my mind.  Staying rooted in God's word is also going to be huge in fighting the minions that are constantly battling me. Prayer and support from my family and friends will be priceless.  I need to establish firm guidelines between work and outside of work.  I have created a drama free zone for after work hours and the weekends and can not allow it to be breached with immature pettiness. I've recently been reminded we work to live, not live to work.  With that said, I'm going to do my best to leave the stress in the office and live life to the fullest outside of the office. Until next time, thanks for allowing me to share a piece of my world with you.

An Awakening

     It has been too long since my last blog.  Life is starting to weigh me down so I have decided I need to write again to help pull me from the mire of it all. I have been pouring so much of me into work I have started to lose sight of the important things in life.  I have truly been living to work instead of working to live.  I come home completely stressed and in tears, my dreams are filled with vicious nightmares not only from the days events but of issues that "could" plaque my future.  The peaceful safe haven I have created at home becomes clouded with vivid thoughts on what I should have done, what I have to do, how I can do it better, the list is endless really.  Reflecting on these things are not necessarily bad, but obsessing on them to the point of tears is not at all healthy.  I know this, yet my mind continues to wonder.

     I have not made a trip back to my hometown and family in years. I'm just too busy, money is just too tight.  My grandfather has cancer and it has become increasingly clear that I need to make that trip.  My concern at this particular time is work, this is out busiest time of year, I couldn't possibly go now.  June ends a cost plan cycle and a whole new one begins in July.  We haven't unpacked everything in the new office, we have hundreds of authorizations to enter, new customers to call, new leads to entertain... it's just an impossible time.  My grandfather continues to decline, so I rationalize, let me get through the first and then I will go.  Now my grandfather is in ICU, the cancer is winning.

     My thoughts begin to shift.  What are you thinking? Work is a means to live, your family is life.  Work is a way to pay the bills, life is coming home to the peaceful haven you have been blessed with.  You remember, that place God has given you to retreat from the world and all of it's issues, from work and all of it's problems.  I sit back and sip on my coffee, my delicious Starbuck's coffee made in the Espresso I was blessed with at Christmas.  I look around at my beautiful apartment, so peaceful with the morning light shining through the window adorned with the lovely curtains from my mom, music softly playing on the laptop I am privileged to own.  The cuddly kitten snuggled next to me as I write.  I am truly blessed beyond words.  How could I possibly have let the outside world defile the peaceful haven God has given me?

     A peace washes over me as my words flow into this blog and the day's light begins to fill my home. I have decided to take the whole week off work, even though tomorrow is a major day for us.  I have to trust that my team will step up to the plate and allow them to shine.  Work will go on while my grandfather's life is passing with each second of time.  Family is truly what is important and I will cherish every second of my trip home... and take lots of pictures.  Until next time, cherish the things that really matter.  Tell your family you love them, smile at those little moments, and leave work at the office.  That is exactly what this country girl is going to do.  Stay blessed and thanks for reading!