An Awakening

     It has been too long since my last blog.  Life is starting to weigh me down so I have decided I need to write again to help pull me from the mire of it all. I have been pouring so much of me into work I have started to lose sight of the important things in life.  I have truly been living to work instead of working to live.  I come home completely stressed and in tears, my dreams are filled with vicious nightmares not only from the days events but of issues that "could" plaque my future.  The peaceful safe haven I have created at home becomes clouded with vivid thoughts on what I should have done, what I have to do, how I can do it better, the list is endless really.  Reflecting on these things are not necessarily bad, but obsessing on them to the point of tears is not at all healthy.  I know this, yet my mind continues to wonder.

     I have not made a trip back to my hometown and family in years. I'm just too busy, money is just too tight.  My grandfather has cancer and it has become increasingly clear that I need to make that trip.  My concern at this particular time is work, this is out busiest time of year, I couldn't possibly go now.  June ends a cost plan cycle and a whole new one begins in July.  We haven't unpacked everything in the new office, we have hundreds of authorizations to enter, new customers to call, new leads to entertain... it's just an impossible time.  My grandfather continues to decline, so I rationalize, let me get through the first and then I will go.  Now my grandfather is in ICU, the cancer is winning.

     My thoughts begin to shift.  What are you thinking? Work is a means to live, your family is life.  Work is a way to pay the bills, life is coming home to the peaceful haven you have been blessed with.  You remember, that place God has given you to retreat from the world and all of it's issues, from work and all of it's problems.  I sit back and sip on my coffee, my delicious Starbuck's coffee made in the Espresso I was blessed with at Christmas.  I look around at my beautiful apartment, so peaceful with the morning light shining through the window adorned with the lovely curtains from my mom, music softly playing on the laptop I am privileged to own.  The cuddly kitten snuggled next to me as I write.  I am truly blessed beyond words.  How could I possibly have let the outside world defile the peaceful haven God has given me?

     A peace washes over me as my words flow into this blog and the day's light begins to fill my home. I have decided to take the whole week off work, even though tomorrow is a major day for us.  I have to trust that my team will step up to the plate and allow them to shine.  Work will go on while my grandfather's life is passing with each second of time.  Family is truly what is important and I will cherish every second of my trip home... and take lots of pictures.  Until next time, cherish the things that really matter.  Tell your family you love them, smile at those little moments, and leave work at the office.  That is exactly what this country girl is going to do.  Stay blessed and thanks for reading!