Night Rambles...

Can't sleep so thoughts run out of control through my head... Why does trust have to come so hard for me, a measure of protection from past hurts maybe? Giving in paves the way for a life time of love or you could end up completely broken. Is it worth the risk to gamble with my heart?  If I lose the price is higher than I can afford to pay but if I win the payoff is better than gold.  My mind twist back and forth: stop proceed with caution, run to him at full speed and don't look back, stop lights are flashing, plunge ahead. My heart is already invested, my mind has already lost so now where is my protection? The fear still lingers, yet my love every day deepens.  The hard wall around my heart has came tumbling, feelings have rolled out of control into places I vowed to never again wade. There is no safety net beneath me if I fall I will shatter. Past pains play before me like a movie then a voice whispers you already love him, let the past wounds fade and embrace the love that awaits...

~ Chelle

There is true love awaiting for you, you have nothing to lose but you only have to gain a win that is better than gold. Let go the caution and go and get the awesome heart waiting for you.
Run at full speed and don't look back for his love is true for you and your protection is with him.
DON'T PREVENT YOURSELF THE BEAUTIFUL AWAITING LOVE GOD HAS BROUGHT ON YOUR WAY.

~ Lukman

My Destiny

My life has been filled with mistakes
Going full speed when I should have hit the breaks
Other times running forward for other's sake
Each mishap forcing me to swim in the life of dread's lakes

My destiny has presented itself time and time again
But I always deny it and chose a way I know I can not win
You would think my chances would just end
Yet here I sit, back at that same destiny's bend

Just as the times before the signs point me to a land far away
Only this time there is you and I feel everything will be okay
You stand firm when fear starts to creep in and my thoughts turn to disarray
I am completely soothed by the loving things you say

Destiny saw fit to come back around
Determined to transplant me to new ground
With a security and love in you I've found
Yes I am finally Ghana bound

You encourage me to be bold
Together we will grow old
Forever each other we will hold
"Us" to me you have completely sold

My destiny will come to pass
Whether it happens slow or fast
My future has been cast
And with it a love that will forever last!

A Heart Renewed

For so long I have lived in a world of black and white
Never saw a change to this in sight
Just excepted it as my life's plight
Understanding that love would never again make it bright

I had come to terms to the daily grind of a mundane life
Never would I be someones lovely wife
It may be lonely but at least it created no strife
My heart would never again be cut into pieces by love's knife

I thought I would forever be blue
And then I was blessed with you
How deep my heart would open I had no clue
I found myself hanging on every thing you say and do

Suddenly my life was filled with color right before my eyes
Life's outlook from me began to rise
Soaring on cloud nine I began to fly
And my love for you I could not deny

The thought of you causes my heart to race
When I close my eyes your image my mind begins to trace
Your voice puts a smile on my face
While in my dreams I feel your sweet embrace

My feelings I can not hide
I love you so much it can't be contained inside
In my world I need you to always abide
I don't ever want off of this love ride

Because of you my life began to rumble and shake
I finally feel alive for goodness sake
If this is a dream I pray to never wake
Without you in my life my heart would surely break

A love like ours is so rare
I need you like a breath needs air
I can not express how much I care
Baby I promise for you I will always be there!

~ Chelle
   8/10/11

A Twist in Fate

I was struggling with life
Trying to muddle through the strife
Problems seemed to be tumbling down
Was so sure nothing could turn it around
I wore a smile that hid my pain
While at night the tears poured like a summer rain
This seemed to be the life I was destined to lead
It would never matter what I need...

Then one day a message popped up on my screen
I had no idea what it would come to mean
He was so gentle and kind
Suddenly he was always on my mind
I began to seek him out
While my broken mind he began to re-route
Still not sure when the love began to start
Or how this amazing man took control of my heart

He has become my best friend
And the shattered parts of me he has begun to mend
My heart he has claimed
And my life will never be the same
I can now smile through the tears
Knowing he is always near
In him I have found my missing soulmate
Brought together by an awesome twist of fate

My days are looking bright
And my burdens seem lite
His love has lifted me to a new high
And put a sparkle in my eye
He held the key
to make me happier than I ever  thought I could be
This man is one of a kind
And I am so happy to call him mine!

~ Chelle
   8/2/11

Coming Undone

I built a bridge around my heart
And swore on everything I am it would never come undone
I'm gonna shut it out before feelings start
If I feel a crack in my armor I'll turn and run
I'm gonna be hard
Not cry at everything I see or hear
I'm gonna be in control of these cards
Don't even come at me dear
No more wearing my heart on my sleeve
I'm not going to care
Save the lines or I'll just turn and leave
I ain't letting you in I swear...

I know the game you run
It's just a rumble in a virtual bed
I feel myself coming undone
How'd you get in my head
Why's my world starting to spin?
I must have had too much to drink
I feel you starting to win
I'm hanging on every word you speak
I hear myself saying no
The armor is falling apart
Yet my body keeps saying go
Damn, you took control of my heart!

~ Chelle

Getting My Life Back

I stopped living long ago. I was just surviving: surviving to work, surviving to pay the bills, surviving to take care of others, surviving to barely make it through the day. I had become oblivious to the paradise that surrounded me, focused on how fast each second, minute, hour, day, week, month could pass because I didn't want to be in the present.  I hated my life and resented most of the people in it. I was in a helpless pit of depression and the mire of it was about to bury me alive.

Suddenly a rope was thrown from a DJ who's awesome talent and friendship began to pull my head above the mud and debris. His music inspired me while his friendship encouraged me.  I could now feel the pangs of hope as my head bobbed just above the surface. Despite Dj Yohan Solo's spurring to let them go,  I still held tight of the issues drowning me. As a result, the weight of the mud of life continued to weigh me down and was a constant threat of consuming me.  Dj Yohan Solo didn't let loose and just when I began to taste the sludge he would release a new mix or send a message that would cause the rope to pull my head back above the surface.  I began to internalize the words he spoke. I would listen to his music and mediate on our conversations.  The mud began to dry around me. I was no longer a lifeless body being absorbed back into the earth. Dj Yohan Solo had nurtured the dry dirt into fertile soil and I was transformed into a seed that was about to spring forth something special.

I was now moving into a new growth period in my life. I was finally starting to let go of some of the things that had bogged me down or at least approaching them in different ways and not allowing them to control my life. The seed Dj Yohan Solo planted was growing but I still wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I felt more like a huge piece of brush than a blossoming flower. I began losing weight and making little changes to improve the way I felt about myself but still felt more like a shrub than a beautiful work of nature. Dj Yohan Solo continued to water and slowly I began to see buds of beauty blossom.  The weeds of life were threatening to choke the life out of the delicate bloom being birthed when a Canadian Angel came out of nowhere.

The Angel's name was Randy and he constantly reminded me of the beauty I couldn't see. His admiration made me feel completely amazing. I felt sexy even with the extra weight, pretty without even having makeup on, and comfortable in anything I put on. Randy changed how I saw me by showing me myself through his eyes. As he continued to water the budding flower within me,  I began to laugh more and be happy again.  His compliments made me feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in years, even if I didn't always believe them.  Suddenly something began to awaken from within me and the buds from the seed DJ Yohan Solo had planted opened into the most exquisite petals. Between the two I somehow found my confidence and with it I got my sexy back (smiles). I'm back to living life and enjoying the paradise God has blessed me to live in. They have also given me the inspiration I needed to resume writing, a priceless gift. I now know the best is yet to come...

Haiku 1

gentle breeze
blowing-
back against the wind

Two Faces

All smiles and roses
Until I leave and the door closes
Then your other side comes out
And about me you begin to complain and pout
You smile to my face
While talking about me all over the place
Gossip spreads like fire
You might as well have put it over a live wire.

Is there something wrong,
there seems to be a break in your song?
You sound a little off pitch,
why the nervous twitch?

What's with the frown,
fear your words are coming back around?
Your two faces are about to meet,
people are going to know your not that sweet.
Reality 'bout to purge
Forcing your two sides to merge.
I'm peeling back the shades of you
So the world can see what you do.

Is there something wrong,
there seems to be a break in your song?
You sound a little off pitch,
why the nervous twitch?

If these words feel like a prick in your ear
that's because I'm talking to you dear.
You've been throwing knives from your evil rack
But I caught this one and threw it back
You look a little green
I'm sorry you think my words are mean
Maybe you should watch who you talk about
if you don't want to be called out.

Is there something wrong,
there seems to be a break in your song?
You sound a little off pitch,
why the nervous twitch...

~ F8ithgal


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