Coming Undone

I built a bridge around my heart
And swore on everything I am it would never come undone
I'm gonna shut it out before feelings start
If I feel a crack in my armor I'll turn and run
I'm gonna be hard
Not cry at everything I see or hear
I'm gonna be in control of these cards
Don't even come at me dear
No more wearing my heart on my sleeve
I'm not going to care
Save the lines or I'll just turn and leave
I ain't letting you in I swear...

I know the game you run
It's just a rumble in a virtual bed
I feel myself coming undone
How'd you get in my head
Why's my world starting to spin?
I must have had too much to drink
I feel you starting to win
I'm hanging on every word you speak
I hear myself saying no
The armor is falling apart
Yet my body keeps saying go
Damn, you took control of my heart!

~ Chelle

Getting My Life Back

I stopped living long ago. I was just surviving: surviving to work, surviving to pay the bills, surviving to take care of others, surviving to barely make it through the day. I had become oblivious to the paradise that surrounded me, focused on how fast each second, minute, hour, day, week, month could pass because I didn't want to be in the present.  I hated my life and resented most of the people in it. I was in a helpless pit of depression and the mire of it was about to bury me alive.

Suddenly a rope was thrown from a DJ who's awesome talent and friendship began to pull my head above the mud and debris. His music inspired me while his friendship encouraged me.  I could now feel the pangs of hope as my head bobbed just above the surface. Despite Dj Yohan Solo's spurring to let them go,  I still held tight of the issues drowning me. As a result, the weight of the mud of life continued to weigh me down and was a constant threat of consuming me.  Dj Yohan Solo didn't let loose and just when I began to taste the sludge he would release a new mix or send a message that would cause the rope to pull my head back above the surface.  I began to internalize the words he spoke. I would listen to his music and mediate on our conversations.  The mud began to dry around me. I was no longer a lifeless body being absorbed back into the earth. Dj Yohan Solo had nurtured the dry dirt into fertile soil and I was transformed into a seed that was about to spring forth something special.

I was now moving into a new growth period in my life. I was finally starting to let go of some of the things that had bogged me down or at least approaching them in different ways and not allowing them to control my life. The seed Dj Yohan Solo planted was growing but I still wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I felt more like a huge piece of brush than a blossoming flower. I began losing weight and making little changes to improve the way I felt about myself but still felt more like a shrub than a beautiful work of nature. Dj Yohan Solo continued to water and slowly I began to see buds of beauty blossom.  The weeds of life were threatening to choke the life out of the delicate bloom being birthed when a Canadian Angel came out of nowhere.

The Angel's name was Randy and he constantly reminded me of the beauty I couldn't see. His admiration made me feel completely amazing. I felt sexy even with the extra weight, pretty without even having makeup on, and comfortable in anything I put on. Randy changed how I saw me by showing me myself through his eyes. As he continued to water the budding flower within me,  I began to laugh more and be happy again.  His compliments made me feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in years, even if I didn't always believe them.  Suddenly something began to awaken from within me and the buds from the seed DJ Yohan Solo had planted opened into the most exquisite petals. Between the two I somehow found my confidence and with it I got my sexy back (smiles). I'm back to living life and enjoying the paradise God has blessed me to live in. They have also given me the inspiration I needed to resume writing, a priceless gift. I now know the best is yet to come...