PMDD ( PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is like a dark cloud hanging over my head. People don't like to talk about, many think it doesn't even exist but it is a very real condition to those ladies who that have it. About 75% of women experience PMS, while only about 3-8% suffer from PMDD. PMS is bad enough, but PMDD takes the physiological and physical symptoms to an extreme level.
The dark cloud rolls in with thoughts distorting my self image as the water weight gain makes me feel like a large brooding storm cloud in an enormous sky. The irritability crashes like thunder as I rumble negative thoughts through my head that spill over from my mouth. Lightening bolts of sadness flash without warning as tears begin to fall like a summer rain. The winds of indecision start to swirl as I lose focus and concentration. The rain pours for days completely overwhelming me as storms would a river bank. The rushing water exhaust me physically and start to drown me emotionally. Finally, about a week in the rain begins to subside and a glimmer of sunshine starts to break through the clouds. My outlook begins to change like a beautiful rainbow in the sky, a promise that everything is going to be okay. And it is, until my next cycle hits... and like Florida's rainy season, PMDD comes flooding back in.
Just a gal trying to make it through the day with a strong f8ith in God and a love for music. I write from the heart and I'm f8ithful to a fault... that's me f8ithgal!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
TMJ, Migraines, and Stress... Need to be Less
My grandfather rode the raindrops to Heaven, it was such a peaceful passing. In the two weeks I was home, I was not plagued with the TMJ and migraines I have become so familiar with. It was an emotionally draining time, yet filled with moments of pure peace. God's presence could be felt by all in a real and tangible way. The trip home was physically tiring and upon my return many seemed to think I had been away on a 2 week vacation. I will always cherish sitting by my grandfather's bedside and holding his hand in his final days, watching his facial expressions as I talked to him and even gently wiping a tear from his eye. The fellowship with family by his bedside was priceless, filled with both tears and laughter. Even reminiscing back brings a feeling of peace washing over me. Yet, it wasn't a picnic or vacation.
I returned to find my team being completely overwhelmed by the amount of work the first of July always brings. Recent changes in the state system have created more work than usual and more than is even necessary. I jumped in full force, skipping lunches and working 7 straight days, with long hours at that. On the 8th day the stress finally caught up to me in the form of a migraine more nasty than I could have ever imagined and preceded by vertigo and vomiting. It actually sent fear coursing through me, as I didn't realize it was a precursor to a migraine and thought something was seriously wrong. Thankfully the medication has kicked in and both the migraine and rebound headache are gone. I have the weekend to recover and to come up with a game plan for the days ahead. My stress level is through the roof and if I do not get a handle on it the TMJ and migraines will only continue to worsen and grow more frequent.
People with migraines have triggers that usually set them off. My trigger is seriously hard to avoid so I need a better way to deal with the stress from it. Writing may help lift the days frustrations from my mind. Staying rooted in God's word is also going to be huge in fighting the minions that are constantly battling me. Prayer and support from my family and friends will be priceless. I need to establish firm guidelines between work and outside of work. I have created a drama free zone for after work hours and the weekends and can not allow it to be breached with immature pettiness. I've recently been reminded we work to live, not live to work. With that said, I'm going to do my best to leave the stress in the office and live life to the fullest outside of the office. Until next time, thanks for allowing me to share a piece of my world with you.
I returned to find my team being completely overwhelmed by the amount of work the first of July always brings. Recent changes in the state system have created more work than usual and more than is even necessary. I jumped in full force, skipping lunches and working 7 straight days, with long hours at that. On the 8th day the stress finally caught up to me in the form of a migraine more nasty than I could have ever imagined and preceded by vertigo and vomiting. It actually sent fear coursing through me, as I didn't realize it was a precursor to a migraine and thought something was seriously wrong. Thankfully the medication has kicked in and both the migraine and rebound headache are gone. I have the weekend to recover and to come up with a game plan for the days ahead. My stress level is through the roof and if I do not get a handle on it the TMJ and migraines will only continue to worsen and grow more frequent.
People with migraines have triggers that usually set them off. My trigger is seriously hard to avoid so I need a better way to deal with the stress from it. Writing may help lift the days frustrations from my mind. Staying rooted in God's word is also going to be huge in fighting the minions that are constantly battling me. Prayer and support from my family and friends will be priceless. I need to establish firm guidelines between work and outside of work. I have created a drama free zone for after work hours and the weekends and can not allow it to be breached with immature pettiness. I've recently been reminded we work to live, not live to work. With that said, I'm going to do my best to leave the stress in the office and live life to the fullest outside of the office. Until next time, thanks for allowing me to share a piece of my world with you.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
An Awakening
It has been too long since my last blog. Life is starting to weigh me down so I have decided I need to write again to help pull me from the mire of it all. I have been pouring so much of me into work I have started to lose sight of the important things in life. I have truly been living to work instead of working to live. I come home completely stressed and in tears, my dreams are filled with vicious nightmares not only from the days events but of issues that "could" plaque my future. The peaceful safe haven I have created at home becomes clouded with vivid thoughts on what I should have done, what I have to do, how I can do it better, the list is endless really. Reflecting on these things are not necessarily bad, but obsessing on them to the point of tears is not at all healthy. I know this, yet my mind continues to wonder.
I have not made a trip back to my hometown and family in years. I'm just too busy, money is just too tight. My grandfather has cancer and it has become increasingly clear that I need to make that trip. My concern at this particular time is work, this is out busiest time of year, I couldn't possibly go now. June ends a cost plan cycle and a whole new one begins in July. We haven't unpacked everything in the new office, we have hundreds of authorizations to enter, new customers to call, new leads to entertain... it's just an impossible time. My grandfather continues to decline, so I rationalize, let me get through the first and then I will go. Now my grandfather is in ICU, the cancer is winning.
My thoughts begin to shift. What are you thinking? Work is a means to live, your family is life. Work is a way to pay the bills, life is coming home to the peaceful haven you have been blessed with. You remember, that place God has given you to retreat from the world and all of it's issues, from work and all of it's problems. I sit back and sip on my coffee, my delicious Starbuck's coffee made in the Espresso I was blessed with at Christmas. I look around at my beautiful apartment, so peaceful with the morning light shining through the window adorned with the lovely curtains from my mom, music softly playing on the laptop I am privileged to own. The cuddly kitten snuggled next to me as I write. I am truly blessed beyond words. How could I possibly have let the outside world defile the peaceful haven God has given me?
A peace washes over me as my words flow into this blog and the day's light begins to fill my home. I have decided to take the whole week off work, even though tomorrow is a major day for us. I have to trust that my team will step up to the plate and allow them to shine. Work will go on while my grandfather's life is passing with each second of time. Family is truly what is important and I will cherish every second of my trip home... and take lots of pictures. Until next time, cherish the things that really matter. Tell your family you love them, smile at those little moments, and leave work at the office. That is exactly what this country girl is going to do. Stay blessed and thanks for reading!
I have not made a trip back to my hometown and family in years. I'm just too busy, money is just too tight. My grandfather has cancer and it has become increasingly clear that I need to make that trip. My concern at this particular time is work, this is out busiest time of year, I couldn't possibly go now. June ends a cost plan cycle and a whole new one begins in July. We haven't unpacked everything in the new office, we have hundreds of authorizations to enter, new customers to call, new leads to entertain... it's just an impossible time. My grandfather continues to decline, so I rationalize, let me get through the first and then I will go. Now my grandfather is in ICU, the cancer is winning.
My thoughts begin to shift. What are you thinking? Work is a means to live, your family is life. Work is a way to pay the bills, life is coming home to the peaceful haven you have been blessed with. You remember, that place God has given you to retreat from the world and all of it's issues, from work and all of it's problems. I sit back and sip on my coffee, my delicious Starbuck's coffee made in the Espresso I was blessed with at Christmas. I look around at my beautiful apartment, so peaceful with the morning light shining through the window adorned with the lovely curtains from my mom, music softly playing on the laptop I am privileged to own. The cuddly kitten snuggled next to me as I write. I am truly blessed beyond words. How could I possibly have let the outside world defile the peaceful haven God has given me?
A peace washes over me as my words flow into this blog and the day's light begins to fill my home. I have decided to take the whole week off work, even though tomorrow is a major day for us. I have to trust that my team will step up to the plate and allow them to shine. Work will go on while my grandfather's life is passing with each second of time. Family is truly what is important and I will cherish every second of my trip home... and take lots of pictures. Until next time, cherish the things that really matter. Tell your family you love them, smile at those little moments, and leave work at the office. That is exactly what this country girl is going to do. Stay blessed and thanks for reading!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Night Rambles...
Can't sleep so thoughts run out of control through my head... Why does trust have to come so hard for me, a measure of protection from past hurts maybe? Giving in paves the way for a life time of love or you could end up completely broken. Is it worth the risk to gamble with my heart? If I lose the price is higher than I can afford to pay but if I win the payoff is better than gold. My mind twist back and forth: stop proceed with caution, run to him at full speed and don't look back, stop lights are flashing, plunge ahead. My heart is already invested, my mind has already lost so now where is my protection? The fear still lingers, yet my love every day deepens. The hard wall around my heart has came tumbling, feelings have rolled out of control into places I vowed to never again wade. There is no safety net beneath me if I fall I will shatter. Past pains play before me like a movie then a voice whispers you already love him, let the past wounds fade and embrace the love that awaits...
~ Chelle
There is true love awaiting for you, you have nothing to lose but you only have to gain a win that is better than gold. Let go the caution and go and get the awesome heart waiting for you.
Run at full speed and don't look back for his love is true for you and your protection is with him.
DON'T PREVENT YOURSELF THE BEAUTIFUL AWAITING LOVE GOD HAS BROUGHT ON YOUR WAY.
~ Lukman
~ Chelle
There is true love awaiting for you, you have nothing to lose but you only have to gain a win that is better than gold. Let go the caution and go and get the awesome heart waiting for you.
Run at full speed and don't look back for his love is true for you and your protection is with him.
DON'T PREVENT YOURSELF THE BEAUTIFUL AWAITING LOVE GOD HAS BROUGHT ON YOUR WAY.
~ Lukman
Saturday, August 20, 2011
My Destiny
My life has been filled with mistakes
Going full speed when I should have hit the breaks
Other times running forward for other's sake
Each mishap forcing me to swim in the life of dread's lakes
My destiny has presented itself time and time again
But I always deny it and chose a way I know I can not win
You would think my chances would just end
Yet here I sit, back at that same destiny's bend
Just as the times before the signs point me to a land far away
Only this time there is you and I feel everything will be okay
You stand firm when fear starts to creep in and my thoughts turn to disarray
I am completely soothed by the loving things you say
Destiny saw fit to come back around
Determined to transplant me to new ground
With a security and love in you I've found
Yes I am finally Ghana bound
You encourage me to be bold
Together we will grow old
Forever each other we will hold
"Us" to me you have completely sold
My destiny will come to pass
Whether it happens slow or fast
My future has been cast
And with it a love that will forever last!
Going full speed when I should have hit the breaks
Other times running forward for other's sake
Each mishap forcing me to swim in the life of dread's lakes
My destiny has presented itself time and time again
But I always deny it and chose a way I know I can not win
You would think my chances would just end
Yet here I sit, back at that same destiny's bend
Just as the times before the signs point me to a land far away
Only this time there is you and I feel everything will be okay
You stand firm when fear starts to creep in and my thoughts turn to disarray
I am completely soothed by the loving things you say
Destiny saw fit to come back around
Determined to transplant me to new ground
With a security and love in you I've found
Yes I am finally Ghana bound
You encourage me to be bold
Together we will grow old
Forever each other we will hold
"Us" to me you have completely sold
My destiny will come to pass
Whether it happens slow or fast
My future has been cast
And with it a love that will forever last!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Heart Renewed
For so long I have lived in a world of black and white
Never saw a change to this in sight
Just excepted it as my life's plight
Understanding that love would never again make it bright
I had come to terms to the daily grind of a mundane life
Never would I be someones lovely wife
It may be lonely but at least it created no strife
My heart would never again be cut into pieces by love's knife
I thought I would forever be blue
And then I was blessed with you
How deep my heart would open I had no clue
I found myself hanging on every thing you say and do
Suddenly my life was filled with color right before my eyes
Life's outlook from me began to rise
Soaring on cloud nine I began to fly
And my love for you I could not deny
The thought of you causes my heart to race
When I close my eyes your image my mind begins to trace
Your voice puts a smile on my face
While in my dreams I feel your sweet embrace
My feelings I can not hide
I love you so much it can't be contained inside
In my world I need you to always abide
I don't ever want off of this love ride
Because of you my life began to rumble and shake
I finally feel alive for goodness sake
If this is a dream I pray to never wake
Without you in my life my heart would surely break
A love like ours is so rare
I need you like a breath needs air
I can not express how much I care
Baby I promise for you I will always be there!
~ Chelle
8/10/11
Never saw a change to this in sight
Just excepted it as my life's plight
Understanding that love would never again make it bright
I had come to terms to the daily grind of a mundane life
Never would I be someones lovely wife
It may be lonely but at least it created no strife
My heart would never again be cut into pieces by love's knife
I thought I would forever be blue
And then I was blessed with you
How deep my heart would open I had no clue
I found myself hanging on every thing you say and do
Suddenly my life was filled with color right before my eyes
Life's outlook from me began to rise
Soaring on cloud nine I began to fly
And my love for you I could not deny
The thought of you causes my heart to race
When I close my eyes your image my mind begins to trace
Your voice puts a smile on my face
While in my dreams I feel your sweet embrace
My feelings I can not hide
I love you so much it can't be contained inside
In my world I need you to always abide
I don't ever want off of this love ride
Because of you my life began to rumble and shake
I finally feel alive for goodness sake
If this is a dream I pray to never wake
Without you in my life my heart would surely break
A love like ours is so rare
I need you like a breath needs air
I can not express how much I care
Baby I promise for you I will always be there!
~ Chelle
8/10/11
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A Twist in Fate
I was struggling with life
Trying to muddle through the strife
Problems seemed to be tumbling down
Was so sure nothing could turn it around
I wore a smile that hid my pain
While at night the tears poured like a summer rain
This seemed to be the life I was destined to lead
It would never matter what I need...
Then one day a message popped up on my screen
I had no idea what it would come to mean
He was so gentle and kind
Suddenly he was always on my mind
I began to seek him out
While my broken mind he began to re-route
Still not sure when the love began to start
Or how this amazing man took control of my heart
He has become my best friend
And the shattered parts of me he has begun to mend
My heart he has claimed
And my life will never be the same
I can now smile through the tears
Knowing he is always near
In him I have found my missing soulmate
Brought together by an awesome twist of fate
My days are looking bright
And my burdens seem lite
His love has lifted me to a new high
And put a sparkle in my eye
He held the key
to make me happier than I ever thought I could be
This man is one of a kind
And I am so happy to call him mine!
~ Chelle
8/2/11
Trying to muddle through the strife
Problems seemed to be tumbling down
Was so sure nothing could turn it around
I wore a smile that hid my pain
While at night the tears poured like a summer rain
This seemed to be the life I was destined to lead
It would never matter what I need...
Then one day a message popped up on my screen
I had no idea what it would come to mean
He was so gentle and kind
Suddenly he was always on my mind
I began to seek him out
While my broken mind he began to re-route
Still not sure when the love began to start
Or how this amazing man took control of my heart
He has become my best friend
And the shattered parts of me he has begun to mend
My heart he has claimed
And my life will never be the same
I can now smile through the tears
Knowing he is always near
In him I have found my missing soulmate
Brought together by an awesome twist of fate
My days are looking bright
And my burdens seem lite
His love has lifted me to a new high
And put a sparkle in my eye
He held the key
to make me happier than I ever thought I could be
This man is one of a kind
And I am so happy to call him mine!
~ Chelle
8/2/11
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