Wow. What a journey it has been. Almost 900 miles, a week of hotels, and we finally have a place to call home. Looking around, it is almost as if my life has come full circle. Many years ago I was raised in an old small trailer, 14 wide. I now find myself in a tiny trailer, 12 wide. It too is rather old, 50's or 60's I'd guess. You can see it's walls and ceilings didn't at all meet the test of time and had to be redone. It's floors have certainly weathered many sets of feet across them. I was sitting back looking it over the other day when it occurred to me, this place was once new to someone. At one time, a family was on could nine as the trailer hosted everything pretty and new. I'm sure the walls within this place have memories filled from all the families it has kept in the past. I find a peace wash over me. Sometimes I think you have to be reminded of where you started to appreciate where you are going. I don't have a pool, yet take pleasure sitting outside and watching the birds sing. A dishwasher can't be found here, yet I find myself enjoying the mundane things I had no time for over the last several years. A smile sneaks across my face as I dry the dishes and put them into their new place. There is a coziness in these rooms and I'm thankful to have settled in here. My migraines are almost nonexistent. There is a peace that resides deep inside of me that transcends from my being and pours out into the environment around me. God has truly blessed us with a safe haven to call home.
~ Chelle
10/7/13
Just a gal trying to make it through the day with a strong f8ith in God and a love for music. I write from the heart and I'm f8ithful to a fault... that's me f8ithgal!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
God's Canvas
The weeks heavy rain has left the landscape before me completely refreshed. There are lush greens of every shade and a watery marsh below that glistens when kissed by the sun. The leaves seem to act as tiny cups allowing the butterflies to drink from nature's water. The wind starts with a gentle breeze but slowly the limbs begin to sway. Little bugs almost seem to be playing follow-the-leader as they buzz through the air. I hear a squawking bird in a distance making his presence known. Locust or something of the sort seems to compete with a loud hum, it's almost like a siren that gets loud and then slowly fades. As my ears adjust, there seems to be a rhythm to it all. Even the humming mellows into a peaceful flow as dripping drops of water trickle down to the earth below. Suddenly a flicker on the tree catches my eye. It's actually a drop of water with the appearance of a flame. Then something amazing happens, I see little glimmers of lights like on a Christmas tree. They are little dabs of water with the sun filtering through creating God's natural lights on these strong limbs. God is an artist and this earth is His canvas, I feel blessed to sit here and just observe his creation around me!
Today's writing prompt is #962, "Sit in total silence for 5 minutes and observe the things around you. Write a story about the sense of awareness this brings you."
~ Chelle
9/26/13
Today's writing prompt is #962, "Sit in total silence for 5 minutes and observe the things around you. Write a story about the sense of awareness this brings you."
~ Chelle
9/26/13
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Nightly Ramble
I'm not feeling too creative tonight, but write I must. I couldn't find a prompt that caught my attention so I figured I would ramble for a bit. I am amazed at God's hand over my life as I look back on the last 9 years. I left a small town in West Virginia and landed in New York. I still remember coming out of the bus station and being surrounded by these giant buildings and hundreds of people bustling on the streets. Bright signs flashing pictures on the buildings. Vendors on every corner, paintings, purses, jewelry, food. MMMM the smell of the pretzels and hotdogs wafting in the air as I walked by. A crowded subway with all sorts of people. White, black, olive, brown... eyes in every shade, blue green, brown... languages I never even knew existed. New York City was a world within a world all on it's on. I recall the train ride out of the city. Two small suitcases and a dream.
A couple of years later and a marriage in despair I find myself on a plane flying through the air. I land in Florida with two suitcases, although nicer than the ones before, and several boxes. I go from an apartment with mold on the ceilings to a townhouse with more luxuries than I could have imagined... a pool, hot tub, dishwasher, ice-maker, washer, and dryer. What?! It was a completely new way of life for me. I saw my office of two grow into 5. Our warehouse went from daily Fed Ex drive-bys to a trailer packed full and picked up nightly. Things in the corporate world began to shift and we moved on up into a beautiful office, but without a warehouse. I'm not the cut throat type and I tend to be way too nice, so I find myself outgrowing things here.
Just when I think I can't make it another day, the door to Louisiana opens wide. Here I go again, only with more than two suitcases and not at all alone. I am excited to see what God has in store for me and this leg of my journey. I've come a long way and still have a long way to go!
~ Chelle
9/25/13
A couple of years later and a marriage in despair I find myself on a plane flying through the air. I land in Florida with two suitcases, although nicer than the ones before, and several boxes. I go from an apartment with mold on the ceilings to a townhouse with more luxuries than I could have imagined... a pool, hot tub, dishwasher, ice-maker, washer, and dryer. What?! It was a completely new way of life for me. I saw my office of two grow into 5. Our warehouse went from daily Fed Ex drive-bys to a trailer packed full and picked up nightly. Things in the corporate world began to shift and we moved on up into a beautiful office, but without a warehouse. I'm not the cut throat type and I tend to be way too nice, so I find myself outgrowing things here.
Just when I think I can't make it another day, the door to Louisiana opens wide. Here I go again, only with more than two suitcases and not at all alone. I am excited to see what God has in store for me and this leg of my journey. I've come a long way and still have a long way to go!
~ Chelle
9/25/13
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
A Leafy Experience
My bright green color is starting to fade or is it morphing into a new orange or red? I feel the color draining from my being as look around and see other leaves beginning to fall. What is this that is happening to this tree standing so strong and tall? The rains of spring have drenched us, the sizzling sun of summer almost scorched us, yet we still clung to the branches our hues of green acting as a shade to all. Now I see us changing colors and drifting away with the wind. My green glow has been transformed into a bright orange beauty that takes your breath away. All who walk by are mesmerized by the glimmer of light reflecting through me, it's as if flickering flames of a fire have appeared on me. My beauty and the beauty of those surrounding me create a perfect masterpiece from God above. What is to become of us? Where does the wind carry my fellow leaves I have grown to love? While I am contemplating my being, a gentle breeze lightly brushes through me. I begin to twist and rustle. I break free from the branch that I didn't even realize was binding me and floated carelessly through the air. The sound of the wind was like a peaceful lullaby as it rocked me to my final resting place. I land among the others who had fallen before me, ready to sleep and be recreated in life's cycle. I will slowly become one with the ground, enriching it. In turn, it will nourish my tree and in the Spring tiny buds of life will come out again.
~ Chelle
9/24/13
Today's writing prompt is #95. "You are a leaf on a tree that is undergoing foliage. What are your leafy thoughts and feelings?
~ Chelle
9/24/13
Today's writing prompt is #95. "You are a leaf on a tree that is undergoing foliage. What are your leafy thoughts and feelings?
Monday, September 23, 2013
Back in The Saddle Again: Haunted Dreams
I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing. I am determined to write something everyday. After all. to perfect something you must do it and do it often. I cam across this book, "1,000 Creative Writing Prompts Ideas for Blogs, Scripts, Stories, and More," by Bryan Cohen. These prompts seem like the perfect way to stir up my creative energy. I'm going to take his challenge and choose 1 a day to explore into my writing world. The writings might start off a little rusty, but I am hopeful to slide back into the saddle with ease and continue to improve with each piece I write.
Today's writing prompt is #921. "talk about an experience in which you felt an other worldly presence. If you do not have one, make one up or talk about how a real life experience might have been influenced by some kind of ghost."
I always felt my grandma's back room upstairs was haunted. I had heard stories of bodies being kept there until burial many years before I was born. Spirits could easily linger there and that is a thought that still haunts my dreams until this day. I wouldn't say my grandma's house was ancient but it was definitely very old. She had lived in it as a young girl before indoor bathrooms and running water even existed. I recall an outhouse that my Uncle Junior used to pick us up and jokingly threaten to throw us down as little children. I have so many fond memories of that old house, I can only imagine the memories of previous generations that still haunt it to this day.
My haunted dreams never vary much, yet they still send chills through me. There is a single light bulb screwed into a simple base in the middle of the room. There is no light switch, just a string dangling down from it. I can see the light on from the bottom of the stairs and I know I have to make that long walk up them and into the room to turn the light off. It seems my grandma's large metal window fan is always spinning and needs to be unplugged in this process. As I run into the room and pull it's chord, I feel the presence of something or someone watching me. The fan is only a few feet from the light but it seems to take me forever to get back to it to yank the light cord. The light goes off leaving me in complete darkness as I leap down the stairs and slam the door shut. I seem to think closing the door somehow traps the unworldly being upstairs and then I wake in a cold sweat, heart pounding. It's such a strange dream to have about a house I have not slept in for so many years, yet it brings me back to a single moment in time.
I was in high school. I had conquered my fear of being upstairs at night and usually slept in the first room of it. I had a lot going on in my family and in my life. I tend to take every little thing to heart and worrying seems to be in my nature. I'm fairly certain that is what prompted this super natural visit. I was sound asleep when a presence woke me. It was as if I could feel someone staring at me. Before my eyes stood my daddy, who died when I was 3 months old. I couldn't move, my mind reeling trying to make sense of what I saw. The room I slept in had a tilted roof and daddy was rather tall so he was slightly bent by my bed. His tender blue eyes were filled with love as he told me everything would be okay, everything would always be okay and he loved me and would be watching over me. Suddenly the weight of seeing my dead father terrified me as I jumped out of bed and skipped down the stairs so fast that I think i missed most of them. I never slept another night in that room.
I wish I could go back into that moment of time. I would not have been scared, but instead I would have told him I loved him too. He never came to me again, at least not in such a vivid way. It's a comfort to know my daddy is watching over me, it is something I truly believe. The stories hidden in that house are greater than I could imagine. I wonder if anyone else has been visited by a glimpse of it's past. This interaction with my daddy is the only memory I have of him and fear forced it to end much too short, or perhaps I heard what he really wanted to convey and there was no need for him to return. A brief moment suspended in time, forever engraved into my mind, and permanently hidden in my heart.
Chelle
9/23/13
Today's writing prompt is #921. "talk about an experience in which you felt an other worldly presence. If you do not have one, make one up or talk about how a real life experience might have been influenced by some kind of ghost."
Haunted Dreams
I always felt my grandma's back room upstairs was haunted. I had heard stories of bodies being kept there until burial many years before I was born. Spirits could easily linger there and that is a thought that still haunts my dreams until this day. I wouldn't say my grandma's house was ancient but it was definitely very old. She had lived in it as a young girl before indoor bathrooms and running water even existed. I recall an outhouse that my Uncle Junior used to pick us up and jokingly threaten to throw us down as little children. I have so many fond memories of that old house, I can only imagine the memories of previous generations that still haunt it to this day.
My haunted dreams never vary much, yet they still send chills through me. There is a single light bulb screwed into a simple base in the middle of the room. There is no light switch, just a string dangling down from it. I can see the light on from the bottom of the stairs and I know I have to make that long walk up them and into the room to turn the light off. It seems my grandma's large metal window fan is always spinning and needs to be unplugged in this process. As I run into the room and pull it's chord, I feel the presence of something or someone watching me. The fan is only a few feet from the light but it seems to take me forever to get back to it to yank the light cord. The light goes off leaving me in complete darkness as I leap down the stairs and slam the door shut. I seem to think closing the door somehow traps the unworldly being upstairs and then I wake in a cold sweat, heart pounding. It's such a strange dream to have about a house I have not slept in for so many years, yet it brings me back to a single moment in time.
I was in high school. I had conquered my fear of being upstairs at night and usually slept in the first room of it. I had a lot going on in my family and in my life. I tend to take every little thing to heart and worrying seems to be in my nature. I'm fairly certain that is what prompted this super natural visit. I was sound asleep when a presence woke me. It was as if I could feel someone staring at me. Before my eyes stood my daddy, who died when I was 3 months old. I couldn't move, my mind reeling trying to make sense of what I saw. The room I slept in had a tilted roof and daddy was rather tall so he was slightly bent by my bed. His tender blue eyes were filled with love as he told me everything would be okay, everything would always be okay and he loved me and would be watching over me. Suddenly the weight of seeing my dead father terrified me as I jumped out of bed and skipped down the stairs so fast that I think i missed most of them. I never slept another night in that room.
I wish I could go back into that moment of time. I would not have been scared, but instead I would have told him I loved him too. He never came to me again, at least not in such a vivid way. It's a comfort to know my daddy is watching over me, it is something I truly believe. The stories hidden in that house are greater than I could imagine. I wonder if anyone else has been visited by a glimpse of it's past. This interaction with my daddy is the only memory I have of him and fear forced it to end much too short, or perhaps I heard what he really wanted to convey and there was no need for him to return. A brief moment suspended in time, forever engraved into my mind, and permanently hidden in my heart.
Chelle
9/23/13
Saturday, July 20, 2013
PMDD Blues
PMDD ( PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is like a dark cloud hanging over my head. People don't like to talk about, many think it doesn't even exist but it is a very real condition to those ladies who that have it. About 75% of women experience PMS, while only about 3-8% suffer from PMDD. PMS is bad enough, but PMDD takes the physiological and physical symptoms to an extreme level.
The dark cloud rolls in with thoughts distorting my self image as the water weight gain makes me feel like a large brooding storm cloud in an enormous sky. The irritability crashes like thunder as I rumble negative thoughts through my head that spill over from my mouth. Lightening bolts of sadness flash without warning as tears begin to fall like a summer rain. The winds of indecision start to swirl as I lose focus and concentration. The rain pours for days completely overwhelming me as storms would a river bank. The rushing water exhaust me physically and start to drown me emotionally. Finally, about a week in the rain begins to subside and a glimmer of sunshine starts to break through the clouds. My outlook begins to change like a beautiful rainbow in the sky, a promise that everything is going to be okay. And it is, until my next cycle hits... and like Florida's rainy season, PMDD comes flooding back in.
The dark cloud rolls in with thoughts distorting my self image as the water weight gain makes me feel like a large brooding storm cloud in an enormous sky. The irritability crashes like thunder as I rumble negative thoughts through my head that spill over from my mouth. Lightening bolts of sadness flash without warning as tears begin to fall like a summer rain. The winds of indecision start to swirl as I lose focus and concentration. The rain pours for days completely overwhelming me as storms would a river bank. The rushing water exhaust me physically and start to drown me emotionally. Finally, about a week in the rain begins to subside and a glimmer of sunshine starts to break through the clouds. My outlook begins to change like a beautiful rainbow in the sky, a promise that everything is going to be okay. And it is, until my next cycle hits... and like Florida's rainy season, PMDD comes flooding back in.
TMJ, Migraines, and Stress... Need to be Less
My grandfather rode the raindrops to Heaven, it was such a peaceful passing. In the two weeks I was home, I was not plagued with the TMJ and migraines I have become so familiar with. It was an emotionally draining time, yet filled with moments of pure peace. God's presence could be felt by all in a real and tangible way. The trip home was physically tiring and upon my return many seemed to think I had been away on a 2 week vacation. I will always cherish sitting by my grandfather's bedside and holding his hand in his final days, watching his facial expressions as I talked to him and even gently wiping a tear from his eye. The fellowship with family by his bedside was priceless, filled with both tears and laughter. Even reminiscing back brings a feeling of peace washing over me. Yet, it wasn't a picnic or vacation.
I returned to find my team being completely overwhelmed by the amount of work the first of July always brings. Recent changes in the state system have created more work than usual and more than is even necessary. I jumped in full force, skipping lunches and working 7 straight days, with long hours at that. On the 8th day the stress finally caught up to me in the form of a migraine more nasty than I could have ever imagined and preceded by vertigo and vomiting. It actually sent fear coursing through me, as I didn't realize it was a precursor to a migraine and thought something was seriously wrong. Thankfully the medication has kicked in and both the migraine and rebound headache are gone. I have the weekend to recover and to come up with a game plan for the days ahead. My stress level is through the roof and if I do not get a handle on it the TMJ and migraines will only continue to worsen and grow more frequent.
People with migraines have triggers that usually set them off. My trigger is seriously hard to avoid so I need a better way to deal with the stress from it. Writing may help lift the days frustrations from my mind. Staying rooted in God's word is also going to be huge in fighting the minions that are constantly battling me. Prayer and support from my family and friends will be priceless. I need to establish firm guidelines between work and outside of work. I have created a drama free zone for after work hours and the weekends and can not allow it to be breached with immature pettiness. I've recently been reminded we work to live, not live to work. With that said, I'm going to do my best to leave the stress in the office and live life to the fullest outside of the office. Until next time, thanks for allowing me to share a piece of my world with you.
I returned to find my team being completely overwhelmed by the amount of work the first of July always brings. Recent changes in the state system have created more work than usual and more than is even necessary. I jumped in full force, skipping lunches and working 7 straight days, with long hours at that. On the 8th day the stress finally caught up to me in the form of a migraine more nasty than I could have ever imagined and preceded by vertigo and vomiting. It actually sent fear coursing through me, as I didn't realize it was a precursor to a migraine and thought something was seriously wrong. Thankfully the medication has kicked in and both the migraine and rebound headache are gone. I have the weekend to recover and to come up with a game plan for the days ahead. My stress level is through the roof and if I do not get a handle on it the TMJ and migraines will only continue to worsen and grow more frequent.
People with migraines have triggers that usually set them off. My trigger is seriously hard to avoid so I need a better way to deal with the stress from it. Writing may help lift the days frustrations from my mind. Staying rooted in God's word is also going to be huge in fighting the minions that are constantly battling me. Prayer and support from my family and friends will be priceless. I need to establish firm guidelines between work and outside of work. I have created a drama free zone for after work hours and the weekends and can not allow it to be breached with immature pettiness. I've recently been reminded we work to live, not live to work. With that said, I'm going to do my best to leave the stress in the office and live life to the fullest outside of the office. Until next time, thanks for allowing me to share a piece of my world with you.
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