A Range of Emotion

I have given a a lot of thought as in what to write for tonight's entry.  So many things have crossed my path today.  Some evoked disappointment, others a kind of removed sadness, and yet others a peaceful happiness.  The range of emotion has been off the chart, I'm fairly sure PMDD has played an ugly role in this. 

Revenge has weighed heavy on my mind.  The more I thought this over, the more I realized the emotions were coming from my heart being too soft and easily hurt. This led to a disappointment that swept over me and edged me toward making others pay for the pain they had caused. Revenge would only portray me as bitter and in the end my tender heart would only end up feeling worse.  I truly believe people get back what they put out, so I really feel sorry for this select group of people. One can't prosper from two faced, back biting ways.  Sometimes we burn bridges not realizing we may need to cross them in the future.  Sadly, there is no bridge here to cross.  All but one burnt it to the ground.  I really do not care to hear any details of how they are fairing, be it good or bad.  The page has been turned, no need to re-read it or to create an alternate ending.  They are no longer part of my story, I wish them the best and lots of luck in stabbing each other in the back along the way.

It pains me to see my family and friends in turmoil. I am miles away, but feel their pain.  I find myself calling it a removed sadness.  I had to remove myself from certain situations to allow the people I tend to enable to grow.  It breaks my heart but removing myself allows me to be sad when reflecting on the situations yet redirect those feelings elsewhere after reflection so I do not drown in them. Today I wanted to shout "GROW UP" to a couple of women who are putting themselves before the needs of their children.  Recently, several situations have been placed into my path where the father and child need an advocate for their own rights.  We have went so far in one direction that women are too easily able to manipulate a system that was designed to help them. I think I am going to research how I can become an advocate for fathers, I don't think there are enough of them.

I sat back in a chair in my yard this evening and looked around at God's beauty.  The emotions of the day seemed to peel away and I was left with a peaceful happiness.  I am blessed beyond words and thankful for God's hand every step of the way.  Not everything has clearly came into focus but God sees the bigger picture.  My needs are met each day and I have family and friends who love me.  God is good and I am thankful.

~ Chelle
   10/9/13