Happiness, Just A Thought

Happiness.  I have been contemplating that word a lot lately.  We tend to associate happiness with people or places but doesn't it really have to start from within?  How can you be happy with others if you do not like yourself?  How can you make others happy if that happiness didn't first come from somewhere deep inside of you?  As for things, they are fleeting so any happiness caused is temporary.   Recently, someone close to me said I seem to be more on edge lately. He was right, I have been. I have become so worried with trying to see everyone else was happy that it began to weigh on my own happiness.  I love where I am in my life.  It sounds silly, but I am happy spending a Monday night laying on the couch watching wrestling with Billy.  I may grumble from time to time, but I find myself smiling as I wash the dishes.  I have found a joy and peace in keeping the house causes a smile to cross my face. I am enjoying this time in my life, right now right here.  Perhaps instead of worrying about if someone else is happy I should allow my happiness to radiate outward and let it act as a reassurance that things are going to be alright.  It took me a long time to get to this place in my life.  It hasn't been a perfect journey, but God has blessed every step of the way on this journey I have taken.  I should wear this smile proudly as a reflection of what God has done and is doing in me.  I want all my family and friends to have the peace in their lives that produces the genuine happiness that is rooted in your very being, but I can't force that happiness on them.  Sadly, some people are satisfied in turmoil, others enjoy drama.  I'll love you, I'll be here for you, I'll pray for you, but I won't let worry hinder my smile.  God is good and my smile should be a light drawing others in.  Be blessed.

~ Chelle
    12/8/13

Reflection

It is no wonder I am tired, my mind is constantly running.  I would be pencil thin if I could figure out how to turn that energy into a weight loss program. The good, the bad, the indifferent... it all plays out when I least expect it.  Memories rush in and I'm left thinking, "where did that come from?"  I had a dream about an event clear back in high school a couple of weeks ago and I spent days reflecting on it. So many times I hear people say what they would change if they could.  There are many things I guess I could wish to have changed but in reality they molded me into the woman I am today. Everything we experience becomes like little stepping stones toward our future.  We can learn from those "stones" and allow them to move us higher or we can dwell on them, turning them into boulders that block our path.  The stones that seem to pierce the hardest are often the stones that propel us further.  They allow us to grow and to be a light to others who may be on that same dark path.  They force us to become stronger for our journey and act as a testimony reflecting what great things God can do.  The biggest stones give us something to appreciate, they add value when reflecting upon where you were, where you are, and where you are headed.   Bad choices last a moment in time, if you wake to see another day you have been given a chance to turn things around.  Reflection is good to remind us of how far we have come, but don't let something from your past block your future.  Bust that boulder into pieces and use them to step up into your future.  Cement those loose stones and move on.  Tell your past, thank you for teaching and preparing me for my journey. Tell your future, challenge excepted.  As for your present, just live.  You never know what day will be your last.

~ Chelle
    12/6/13

The Little Things

It's the little things that mean the world to me. The way he touches my foot with his at night to feel me close. Buying me a bottle of Figi water because he knows wine doesn't interest me.  It's simply laying his hand over me at night, giving me comfort to know he needs me near. Flowers for no special occasion or buying my coke zero just because puts a smile on my face.  His every day actions mean so much.  He forces me to focus when silly things start to trouble me. I love the way he looks at me so serious and them caves into a smile. It's cooking my favorite food when he knows I've had a rough day that turns it around.  He keeps me grounded when life tries to uproot me. These "little" things begin to snowball into an avalanche of gratitude. Thank you Billy Schirmer for being you!

~ Chelle
   12/5/13

Just A Drop

I am transparent.  My size varies depending on the storm.  I can rush down like a flood or trickle as if I were being sifted.  I might roar like a thousand lions or tread lightly with soft little taps.  I may cleanse the land or renew your spirit.   My sound may lull you to sleep or quickly draw you from one.  I can be soothing or nerve racking.  It all depends on how you see me.  I could be a drop of rain falling from the sky or a tear falling from your eye...

~ Chelle
    12/4/13

Pleasantly Plumply

I recently started by online weight loss album and made it public for all to see.  This wasn't a decision I took lightly.  People can be cruel and words painful.  Almost all of the pictures I have taken over the last several years have been face shots, rarely ever do you see a pic below my shoulders.  I began to contemplate on this.  The reason is clear, I was embarrassed for others to see me.  I was ashamed of my weight and my appearance.  This really started to trouble me.  If I can not be happy in my own skin there is something very wrong. 

Then I started scrolling through pictures of my friends and family and noticed several with nothing but face shots, some have never had a picture of themselves posted at all.  I began to wonder why this was.  Sure some may not have access to change their pictures, but I can't help but wonder how many are bothered by their own appearance.  Perhaps they feel too fat, too thin, too short, too tall... too anything that causes them to shy away from showing others themselves. 

Our society places a heavy emphasis on appearance, yet how someone views another person's appearance is completely subjective.  A person can be pretty when you first meet and after you get to know them their beauty somehow fades as their not so nice inner appearance takes over.  Beauty truly comes in all shapes, all sizes, and inner beauty can certainly shine through.  We all see beauty in different ways.  Billy sees me as beautiful, he sees me through his eyes in a way that I sometimes don't see myself.

I thought on this for awhile before deciding to post my fat pic, or pleasantly plumply pic, as I prefer to say.  I wanted to show the real me, completely raw and exposed.  I have my "pretty" days and then I have those days where I just feel hideous. I am a real person and I want other real people to know they are NOT alone. They can join "Team Michelle" (thank you Lisa) and be happy with yourself and motivate to change what your are not happy with.  So please join me in this journey and don't be afraid to post pics of the real you, the beautiful you!

~ Chelle
    12/3/13

Accountability

I have a fire lit under me, now I need to keep the flames going.  I've given a lot of thought in how to accomplish this.  This life change is not going to happen unless I am held accountable to my goals.  Nina Siders has graciously agreed to be my accountability partner.  We will help keep the flames of change burning for each other. 

To make changes, I need to know what I want to change and how I will accomplish it. Nina will also need something to hold me accountable for, so here we go...

First, I want and need to lose weight. Before leaving Florida, I was diagnosed with diabetes. This runs in my family, yet I felt a great deal of shame at first.  I truly believed I had brought it on myself.  I was overweight, not eating right, and not really taking care of myself. Perhaps it was my fault this family illness was upon me. Honestly, I still struggle with this, but enough is enough.  My Doctor told me it was early and I could control it through diet and exercise.  I alone have to the ability to change it myself or continue down a path towards medication.  Today, I choose to do something about it.  My goal is to lose 1 to 1-1/2 pounds a week.  I have chosen to accomplish this journey through the Lose It App. This is a self tested method that I know works for me, I just need the will power to see it through.  I will stay within my calorie count and exercise at least 3-5 days a week.  I will also work on changing my eating habits by watching my portion control, eating balanced meals and including diabetic friendly snacks.

Second, I want to be a better writer. I will stop procrastinating and complete the writing course I am currently enrolled in.  The same course I paid for, completed a few chapters, and stopped.  I will also write everyday.  To get better at something you have to do it and do it often. The only way to be a writer is to write, so no matter how many or few words I spill, I need to make this a daily priority.  I will also keep a journal of my progress.

Third, I need to be more financially stable.  Our move was difficult and it took the help of two very important people.  These two people were lifesavers and owing them weighs heavy on my mind.  I want to get these loans paid off, put an end to payday loans, and start saving.  To accomplish this, Billy is going to do the shopping.  Seriously, I know this is a weakness of mine and until I can get a handle on it I will not do any shopping unless I come armed with a list to shop from (and I will only buy what is on that list). The days of reckless spending are over.

Finally, I started taking courses with Ames International School of Ministry.  I decided on the paid program, paid for the course and then guess what I did?  That's right, got too busy and just stopped.  I want to follow through and complete this program.  This involves a lot of memorization and that is hard for me.  Perhaps that is subconsciously why I quit.  However, completing this has been one of my heart's desires and it is time to suck it up and get it done.  I will commit at least 1-2 hours a day to this course.  I will put the Scriptures I need to memorize on note cards and review them several times a day.

There you have it.  These are the goals that I need to be held accountable for.  Why have I shared them with you?  There are several reasons.  I want you to help Nina hold me accountable.  I also know I will need encouragement at times to stay on the right path.  However, perhaps most important, I want to show those people who think they can't do something that they can.  You can lose weight, you can do something you have always dreamed of, you can be financially stable.  You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to.  I will update my page weekly to share my progress.  If you think I'm slacking, call me on it.  A special thank you to Nina and each of you for taking this journey with me.  Let's do this!

~ Chelle
    12/2/13

Serious Changes

I see so many things going on in the world around me. As I watch family, friends, acquaintances, and even people I do not personally know passing, I realize time waits for no man. Sickness lay in wait for so many that will be completely unexpected.  Freak accidents will cut lives short. Crimes will end yet others.  Life is precious, every hour, every minute... not one second is promised.  I sit here sipping my coffee on this quiet morning contemplating that profound fact when suddenly the sound of birds singing break the silence. The winds of change sweep through our little retro haven as they chirp, "wake up, wake up."

Too many of us are so busy trying to exist we forget to live.  Not only do we forget to live we begin to become so indrenched in the daily routine of life we just let time slip on by and our dreams, our goals with it.  I began to think on this and over and over the word "serious" kept creeping into my mind, the word "change" began to permeate through my spirit.  My time is now, am I going to let it slip by or reach out and grab the things I truly desires?  It is past time to change the way I think and get serious about the things my heart truly wants.

I need to lose weight, lose it.  I want to write, do it.  I want my finances to be more than just getting by, make it happen.  We complicate things with silly details when it's really simple, just do it.  Get off my bottom and exercise and eat right.  Stop being lazy and write something every day.  Quit reckless spending.  No more excuses.  No more wasting time that you can't get back.  No more taking time for granted.

God has placed me here right now.  He gave me this body, I should take care of it.  He gave me a talent, I should cultivate and share it. He has provided me with everything I need to do more than just survive, I should take advantage of it.  He can't do it for me, it's time for me to get serious and make life changes.  Changes in the way I eat, changes in my habits, changes in my spending... changes in my very thinking.  It can't be a New Year's Resolution that fades away, the changes have to come from deep within my spirit.  Changes that God has equipped me with strength and determination to carry out.  Changes that will be encouraged by family and friends.  Changes that allow me to be happy and shine as the woman God would have me to be.  Serious life altering changes... challenge accepted.  Stay tuned as my life transforms and I blossom into the person I was born to be.

~ Chelle
    12/1/13